Almond Butter tastes good with carrots!

BEST lunch I have had in a LONG time. Well maybe.
We made it to the park before 8 this morning and then a friend came and so I ended up walking for about 1.5 hours and then we let the kiddos play for a while. Then my kid fell asleep in the car and I had errands to run and we did not get home till 11:30 with no breakfast for me (my kid I packed tons of stuff for but none for me LOL). So when I ate this at 12:30 I was STARVING and it tasted really really good!

Fake chicken patty + miracle whip + mustard + tomato slices + white wheat bun = 250 calories
watermelon = 100 calories
almond butter + carrots = 150 calories of PURE YUM!




These were soo much better today, now I will definitely make this again!
I ended up eating 3 of these through the afternoon - 300 calories



Salad
lettuce
spinach
chicken breast pieces - 100 calories
2 whole boiled egg whites plus 1/2 a egg yolk - 50 calories
croutons - 150 calories worth
red onion
1 cucumber
1 tomato
4 tb Cesar dressing - 320 calories
700 calories

I got done with dinner and I wanted chocolate. LOTS OF IT. Luckily none was at my house or it would have been GONE. I asked hubs to get me some... he said sure what did I want. I really really wanted at the time a butter finger blast from Sonic with extra candy, (yeah, I am a member of the go big or go home club). So I went and looked how many calories that was going to be that I was going to have to blog about: 600! for the smaller size with no extra candy.

I was still thinking that I was going to eat it and blog it and a say F*** it.

Then I thought about a convo I had with Megan about having a treat day, and how I already planned to eat a bunch of really yummy stuff at the 4th of July Picnic we are going to Saturday and then I checked my blog and read Kami's comment (thank you!) and the craving passed. THen my cranko kid woke up crying and since it was so cool outside the whole family took a walk for 20 minutes. Now the kid is asleep (hopefully for good) and I am off to take a shower and go to sleep.

Total Calories Eaten: 1500
Total Calories Burned: 998

Answer to the question WHY?

Why are you taking pictures of everything you eat and putting it on a blog for the world to see???

Good question.

I was reorganizing my office this weekend and stumbled on some of my old journals. I love to procrastinate and hate to clean so I cracked them open and took a walk down memory lane.

I noticed 2 things.

1. that I was CRAZY when i was in high school
2. that my goal for the last 14 YEARS has been to lose weight

14 years... really that long and I havent gotten it taken care of??? WTF

Usually I am a take care of it kind of girl. I make goals and karate chop them down. quickly.

In the last 14 years while not losing weight I have (in no particular order):

• Moved to Arkansas
• received and maintained a full paid scholarship to HSU
• bachelors degree - 3.68 gpa
• masters degree - 4.0 gpa
• Moved 7-8 times
• got married - made many of the decorations
• had a kid
• joined a sorority...dropped out of a sorority
• made friends....lost friends....met some more
• sold LOTS of stuff on half.com and ebay
• owned a daycare for like a minute
• dealt with parents divorcing
• dealt with parents remarrying
• held 5-6 DIFFERENT jobs
• presented at several conferences
• was elected for secretary of the ArLCA division of ArCA

ok u get the picture, I have been busy. I have made more than 8 billion to do lists and goal lists in my life and have accomplished everything that I have really set out to do so far...but lose weight well and become a stripper but like I said when I was young I crossed the line into crazy for a bit.

I honestly FORGET that I am fat and need to workout and eat better. Ok forget might not be the best word, I get busy with other things and weightloss is hard and annoying and it takes commitment over time. I am better at pulling all nighters than I am about doing a little bit everyday. Blah. I have started and stopped and thought of starting next week or on Monday or after the Holidays and then I forget and some more time passes and then I look up and I have been fat for more than half of my life.

So the answer to the question is simple: by making myself take pictures of everything I eat and then blog about it every day, I am forced to THINK every single day about losing weight, exercising more, eating healthier. It is auto-piloted to a priority and I LOVE THAT.

Not a bad day

AB&J = 200 calories
watermelon = 100 calories


Today I cooked up a bunch of stuff for the freezer using the 6.5 lbs of hamburger that I bought for $8.50
I made 2 meatloafs made with lots of veggies & oatmeal (will post recipe later if it turns out), 5 hamburgers (cooked on george forman cuz I skeered of my grill now), and 2 meals worth of cooked ground beef. The burgers SMELLED so good so that ended up being lunch.

Hamburger + Miracle Whip + mustard + tomato = 400 calories



Wayy later I got starving ??? and was CRAVING chocolate milk so this is a fake out-
Jay Robb chocolate protein powder + 8 ounces of 2 % = 200 calories

And I was full all afternoon - over 30 grams of protein will do that I guess. It was sweetened with Stevia and I didnt hate it. It was sweet enough but not chocolatey enough. I wish it was MO chocolate, if I had some coco powder I would have added it.



Dinner Veggie Lasagna made with lots of veggies and light cheese = 300 calories + a second helping = 150
and 2 unpictured banana strawberry muffin creations - 200 calories.
I used this recipe and subbed strawberries for the blueberries and did half whole wheat and half white. They are alright, I think I was the problem not the recipe- I undercooked them first and had to put them back in and they are mushy in the middle....definitly willing to try the recipe again.

Todays total = 1550 calories

1 hour walking at the park this morning
Exercise Calories Burned = 540

Hubs is out playing tennis with his man friends and I am debating between watching some girl tv and hitting the elliptical or just taking a shower and going to bed! I will let ya know tomorrow what wins!

Crazing

Crazing- Crazy Ass Cravings

most often seen in pregnant women but can be seen on a semi regular basis from the fatgirl.

hmmm dump cake.

cherry pie filling + coconut + dry cake mix + stick of butter + pineapple

= holy cow good

I want one but I am resisting. Megan tells me its not worth...I am kinda convinced that she is wrong on this one.

FYI shes the biatch that introduced me to the sugary nasty goodness that is dump cake in the first place.

Wish I could figure out how to make that one healthy...oy and low sugar.

Anyways I read a crazy good post over at Oh She Glows.

Had some interesting "evolutionary" information.
Basically she talked about a study that found that everyone has cravings, and the more weight you lose the more likely you are to have intense cravings because it is our bodies trying to get us to eat. Because our bodies do not know that 276 lbs is not a good weight well unless you get trapped on a deserted island and then you can live off your own individual fat buffet for a couple of years.

Now I just got to get in the habit of either 1. satisfying my craving with something low in calories or 2. realize that a craving means I am losing weight and that should make me happy and happiness can now make me full.

Groceries for the week

Ok so last week I was like F*** this I am going hard core.

Well we shall see. Since it was the end of the week when I tried I did not do so good but this week I am stocked up on fruits and veggies, oh ya and chicken.

For $61.19 I got:
watermelon
spinach
carrots
tomatos
cabbage
cucumber
strawberries
organic whole milk
hormone ladened 1 % milk
organic vanilla yogurt
sliced cheddar cheese
ham
wheat bread (last 3 are for hubs lunches)
2 Sara Lee "white wheat" buns
whole wheat egg noodles
3 bags of frozen chicken breasts (7.5 lbs)
6.5 lbs of hamburger meat on managers special
Organic canned peas
canned Lima beans
canned garbanzo beans
canned kidney beans
unsweetened applesauce
3 individual yogurts

I forgot and will go back and spend the rest of my money:
iceberg lettuce
plain yogurt
pb
MORE WATERMELON :)

This weeks dinner plans include:

Chicken & steamed broccoli with pasta sauce (noodles for hubs and the kid)
Chicken noodle soup, crackers, apples
BBQ CHicken (possibly on the George Forman because well I am kinda of scared of my grill a this point), sweet potatoes, green beans
lettuce wraps that are trying to imitate PF Changs, fried brown rice for hubs&kid
Grilled honey mustard chicken, potatoes and spinach salad
chili, corn bread, and veggies
veggie lasagna - this officially will get eaten on Monday because I took it out of the freezer to eat for Sunday dinner and it was still to frozen. I am not going to hate myself for eating it and breaking my rules, like on day 1 of the week.

Weekend Wrap Up Part Deux

More watermelon = 150 calories



Fake Chicken on a fake wheat bun with miracle whip, mustard and a roma mato = 250 calories
Pan "fried" squash, zucchini, onion, peppers, olive oil = 100 calories



blurry dark Hershey Kisses 5 = 110 calories
unpictured Chocolate Fiber 1 = 140 calories

Total Calories for today = 2030

Damn nuts!

This just shows me yet again that I CAN NOT keep high calorie foods that I like in the house.
For example Peanuts, cookies, cakes, brownies ect. these kind of foods that are my "likey likey" foods scream and beg me to eat them all gone whenever they are near.

Someday, one day maybe this will change but today its just to much work to try to deny myself of something in my vicinity that I want to eat.

Exercise notes- mowed the front and back lawn on Saturday Morning... Did nothing today well except eat peanuts :) and research PhD programs in counseling psychology. LOVE IT!

Weekend Wrap Up Part 1

This was Saturdays dinner-small apple, some chicken breast, 2 carrots, 1 tb of almond butter and a cucumber + an unpictured Fiber 1 bar and before you go Oh Wow Fat biatch was eating low calorie, good for her she might lose 3 lbs instead of 1 this week let me clue you in on what I ate for lunch..
Texas Road House - LOTS of peanuts, couple pieces of onion blossom, 1/2 a roll with butter, salad with ranch (Best.Ranch.Ever.) grilled chicken and plain sweet potato and then for dessert a small oreo frozen custard from Shakeys.

I can't find the nutritionals for Texas Road or Shakey's which generally means theres a shitload.




Breakfast Sunday (ya well not really because you see my 1 year old decided that really I made these spinach/onion egg cupcakes for him so I had to reheat me some more) - 300 calories



Peanut shells because I forgot to take the picture.... 2 cups in shell = 680 calories



3 cups of watermelon X 2 = 300 calories

Hungry Fat Girl

Special K + blueberries + almond milk = 300 calories



very veggie soup + ab&j tortilla + 3 bites of Veggie Gratin + 5 wheat saltines = 500 calories



Grilled Veggies + sweet potato +chicken + black beans + lt. sour cream = 600 calories



Large Apple = 100 calories


Total Calories Eaten: 1500 calories

K, so I did not do the whole no white flour thing...its time for groceries and this was what needed to be eaten in my fridge. Tomorrow I am stocking up on fruits, veggies and chicken breasts.

and I also ended up NOT working out at all today :(

I slept bad and woke up with a headache so we skipped the heat and the park this morning and then I had planned on mowing the yard tonight and instead spent some quality time watching DVR'ed "So you think you can dance" with hubs and then played Wii tennis and old school Mario (with the cheats we can get to the last castle in like 15 minutes :))
It was great for my marriage but did nothing for my fat ass, well maybe in a round about way because if my marriage goes to shit and i end up divorced I will more than likely turn to Ben&Jerry as my number 1 therapists to get me through my pain.

PS. I am soo hungry and I know its a mind thing because I gave myself restrictions. I hate rules and restrictions! well anyway I am going to drink some sugar free lemonade and go read a trashy Daniel Steele novel in bed.

New Rules

Ok fine whatever. Its time to get SERIOUS about this shit. Sure its a lifestyle change but at the same time if I keep up this snails pace of weight loss I will finally be skinny when its time for me to DIE.

New game plan. New Rules. and I am warning everyone right here and now I am about to get psychotic for half a second.

Monday through Friday

Breakfast - 300 calories
Cereal + skim or almond milk + fruit
or
Egg whites + Veggies + Fruit

Lunch - 400 calories
Healthy Sandwich + veggies + fruit
or
Veggies + Fruit + Hummus
or
Low calorie Soup + Sandwich + fruit
or
cottage cheese + veggies + fruit

Dinner - 500 calories
Chicken or beans + fruit + veggies

Snacks - 0-400 calories
fruit or veggies w/hummus

No more sugar or white flour. Goodbye chocolate during the week!
small amounts of olive oil and condiments are fine.

Calories = between 1200-1600

Weekends = whatever but no more than 2000 calories.

Exercise... like its going out of style.

Too many calories & poison control

1 piece toast with butter and jam - 140
soup/ab&j/crackers - 600
chocolate cookies - 300
chips&dip - 200 calories
iced animal cookies - 140 calories
hamburger&vegetable gratin -900 ??? definitely not more and maybe less.

2280 calories for the day

BOOO because that is definitely is not 2000 or less

Cookies???Chips&dip???

Eating healthy??

Exercise calories burned - 45 minutes walking pushing a stroller - 400 calories burned and it was BURNING. We got to the park by 8:30 and it was already over 90 degrees and there was lots of humidity BLAH!

On a slightly embarrassing kid note...had to call poison control for the first time last night. Jackson decided to sneak to his room to eat some diaper rash cream. Yeah thats gross. FYI they have to eat an entire tube to need medical attention. Lucky for me the tube was about empty!

PS the pictures are on my computer but Picasa is not uploading for me AGAIN, I am not sure what the deal is.

update/goals/rambling

Ok so I have been doing this blog for 2 months now.
It was kind of rough at the beginning, but now I am better about getting into the groove of taking pictures and writing everyday. For the last 2 weeks I have been working out every day and its been between 90-100 degrees. I am giving myself bonus points for that.

My goals

1. stay at or below 2000 calories a day- more often than not I am hitting that goal.
2. be athletic and move for at least 30 minutes every.single.day.

That's it. I want to do this for the rest of my life. So this will be my new life. My new normal.

What I continue to struggle with

1. the reality of how much time and work its going to take- I get up everyday expecting that I will be a size 4 or at least 14 because I ate good and exercised the day before. then i get frustrated when not only am i not a size 4 or 14 but also I have not lost one pound since the day before.
2. sweets, the days I do go over my calorie allotment that is why. I crave sugary bad stuff a lot. maybe one day I will not want chocolate cake and will want an apple instead but right now if I try to eat an apple and I want chocolate cake I get PISSED.
3. telling family about the blog- it still makes me uncomfortable
4. posting my before pictures- I did take them, this week though.
5. the mental stuff

South Carolina Governor admits to affair

Ok So I am hoping I am not the only one who saw this coming... I mean really, with the story that came out it could go one of two ways..he went off the deep end or he had an affair.
For those who havent heard: No one knew where this guy went...even his wife... then it was he was hiking then it was he wanted to go somewhere exotic so he went to Argentina now he's admitting that he has been having an affair AND that his wife and family have known about it for 4 months. Booo! Bad form. It was fathers day and he spent it with his lover in another county. Gee thats the kind of man I would want to run my state. NOT
Maybe if they are really lucky and have a couple more handfuls of kids they can be famous like Jon & Kate and make some money with their own reality show.
They could call it " I am the Govenor of South Carolina so its ok that I cheated on my wife and that she stays with and covers for me because she likes the money"

Issues

Not my issues, more computer or picasa or blogger or internet problems...not really sure what the deal was last night but my pictures would not upload.

I had a AB&J sandwich for breakfast- 300 calories
and these crack cookies for lunch... 3 servings = 21 cookies = 420 calories = lunch :)





By dinner time I was starving but of course so I munched some watermelon while cooking - 100 calories.
Sauteed yellow squash, zucchini, peppers & onions 300 calories (sauteed with some olive oil and I went back for seconds!)
2 taco shells - 140 calories
2 ounces ground beef- 150 calories
1/2 cup of black beans- 115 calories
1/4 cup light cheese- 80 calories
2 tb light sour cream - 40 calories
1 roma tomato- 20 calories

I really really wanted dessert but I skipped it and was PROUD.
Then later I went for a little run- 15 minutes but it made my stomach hurt prolly because I ate such a HUGE dinner! I also walked at the park for 30 minutes in the morning.

Total Calories Eaten: 1665 calories

Total Calories Burned: 700 calories

Its official, I PASSED!

Breakfast was an on the run strawberry cereal bar- 140 calories and 1/2 ounce toffee candy- 100 calories plus LOTS and LOTS of water during and after my 1 hour walk in some hot humid weather.




Lunch
watermelon - 150 calories
chicken breast + spinach + German Potato salad 300 calories
The sonic cup in the background is a large water with lemon!



Snack
1/4 homemade flax waffle with AB&J - 200 calories



Dinner
Last of the chicken and potatoes plus LOTS of spinach and some Parmesan - 450 calories

Dessert
oreo thin crisps + chocolate icing = 300 calories

Todays Total = 1640 calories

1 hour walk pushing a stroller = 545 calories burned

PS. Today I got the letter that says I have officially passed all the hoops and I am a licensed associate counselor...well that is as soon as I send them a check for $140! LOL

the day before today

My internet was on the fritz last night and I needed sleep more than I felt like messing with it.



We slept in til 9 then went to the park so at 11 I figured I could officially skip breakfast and just eat lunch.
5 ounce burger with tomato, ketchup and mustard on a sesame seed bun - 500 calories
tomato & cucumbers with 1 tb light catalina - 60 calories


I had this X 2 (french bread & almond butter) and also half a Odwalla bar and a serving of honey roasted peanuts - 700 calories, this was spread out over the afternoon/early evening



After all that snack is no wonder we ate a very late dinner - at 8 pm.
chicken and pesto panini- 550 calories
german potato salad with spinach- 150 calories
watermelon- 100 calories

Total for the day: 2060 calories

Exercise- mowed the back lawn- 30 minutes = 300 calories burned

Lake Day

I ate total crap today.

It was a blast.

We were invited to the lake by Kirts family on Friday night and since we had no weekend plans, we decided to go for it. Of course then the kid did not go to bed til 10:30 PM and woke up at 5:45 AM soo umm we were late getting started. We all got up for the 2nd time at 9 and rushed around packing up the oodles of crap a one year old needs for a day trip to the lake. Then we hit up the local Target for some more crap (sunglasses for me and Jackson, sunscreen, floatie, diapers, snacks...yeah I like to be prepared).

Kid was starving at 11 when we left the house so we stopped at McDonald's... Dude I got to get better at planning/packing this shit before we leave the house. I had a double hamburger - 250 calories.

Then we headed down to Lake Degray about 45 minutes away. THE KID SCREAMED after his burger until I sung the itsy bitsy spider on repeat, seriously every time I would stop he would cry.

Cracked out.

But we had a great time. It was hot but the breeze off the lake was great, the water was perfect and Jackson did not cry once. (did not nap either but whatever)

Oh ya and there was LOTS of snacks.

Over the course of the day I ate:

• half a pb&j 200 calories
• 2 servings of cashews 330 calories
• 5 oreos 270 calories
• serving of cheetos 160 calories
• 1 iced thin oatmeal cookie- 50 calories
• about 2 gallons of ice water

and then just because I did not get enough junk I demanded Taco Bueno for dinner. I could not make up my mind about what to eat so I order everything.

• 1/2 a chicken taco salad 400 calories
• beans- 300 calories (damn thats why those tasted that good)
• crispy beef taco - 200 calories

Total Calories- 2160 calories

Actually not to bad, considering.

Poo

Today is poo.

It should not be. I should be happy, joyful even. Yet I am depressed and the world is poo.

Here are the reasons why today "should" be a good day.

• kid slept until almost 9
• rocked a book sale at the library
• went to an awesome water playgroup
• kid napped for 2.5 hours

Here are the reasons I feel like poo

• ate cherry dump cake - 250 calories for breakfast and pretended it did not exist since i did not take a picture of it
• realized that my guest bathroom was VERY MESSY and I had guests over last night and had no clue...mortification 101
• cleaned my grill from infernal chicken last night
• Kid refused to eat much of anything today except for milk and corn pops even though he had a healthy lunch packed for him to share with mommy
• Kid woke up screaming 15 minutes after starting his nap and I went to console him and decided not to get him out even though I think he might have been hungry because I really wanted him to take a nap and if I took him out of his bed he would not and he had ample food shoved at him all day and he only wanted the milk and corn pops. He pouted and went back to sleep for the above mention long ass nap.
• instead of cleaning my house I laid down and slept for 1.5 hours even though I had plenty of sleep last night
• I woke up and felt hugely guilty and lazy and so ate half a piece of cake and ice cream- 350 calories and polished it off with a big handful of salsa sun chips - 140 calories.

Today's consumption also included 3 cups of watermelon- 150 calories, 1 chicken breast- 150 calories and 1 cup of German potato salad- 180 calories.

1220 calories so far.

Dinner has yet to be consumed.

Update: Ate a good for me dinner of chicken breast with 2 tb pesto and 1 cup leftover german potato salad. Then had 1/2 cup of ice cream and blueberries and stayed under 2000 calories so all was not lost for the day.

Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Mcdonalds, Kentucky fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut

This was dinner... and there was another egg, and some bites of fruit in between. I am not going to even try to hazard to guess how many calories there are in 3 pieces of pizza, 3 deviled eggs and a rather LARGE bowl of cherry dump cake and ice cream. Lets just stick with A BUNCH.

After the almost burning down of my house I kinda gave up on any pretense of a healthy dinner and just enjoyed the moment & conversation with friends.

Life is good.

No one is calling me Martha anytime soon

Warning: Do not try this at home.

I had a great plan. Make a healthy dinner for friends and play cards. What was that about the best laid plans?? Well anyways.

On the menu:

Pennsylvania Chicken
German Potato Salad
Fruit

and then the guests were providing dessert and deviled eggs.


Here's what happened that led me to believe that God just did not believe that Pennsylvania Chicken should be on the menu.

First I went to make the marinade on Wednesday and had no oil, even though I had been to the store twice. Then Megan brought oil but the chicken smelled foul. Not in a bird way but in a bad way. So I went to the store and got more chicken and went to make the marinade, it calls for 1 tb of poultry seasoning and I had less than that. I gave up hoping for the best chicken and just prayed it would be eatable. Poured the marinade on and put the chicken in the fridge.

Fast forward to Thursday evening when I went out to start the grill.

No propane.

You got to be kidding me, I mean REALLY.

Kirt went to Home Depot, usually this trip would take 15 minutes because the exchange thing is outside and you just swipe a credit card, grab and go. Nope not so much. It took 45 minutes because of some issue with the system.

He gets home, the grill get heated up. I throw the chicken on. Leave for a couple minutes come and come back to MASSIVE FLAMES! Run around like a chicken with my legs on fire to get kirt the baking soda, Kirt got the fire out but burned his fingers. THank God that the propane did not explode. IT WAS A BIG FIRE.



I really felt like an idiot. Should not have went back inside. C'est la vie. At least my friends were supportive and no one teased me for tearing up a little either.

We ordered Pizza Hut and life went on.

Next time I think I will make food that is already done before people arrive or just order pizza to start.

I know one things for sure, I got the message Pennsylvania Chicken should only be eaten in Pennsylvania.

Shots & McDonald's

McDonald's biscuit with sausage and half a syrup = 510 calories




The kid showing off his double shot bandaids! He was eating pancakes and sausage from McDonald's and loving it! We were told by the dr yet again that he needed more fat and calories in his diet.. I am like DUDE he eats a lot and all the time and he eats what we eat so without adding sugar to his milk and butter to his fruit it is not physically possible to get him to eat more calories and not displace his healthy eating habits i.e. his love of fruits and veggies. I think the docs are just gonna have to live with the fact that my kid is happy and healthy in the 5th percentile.



Chicken, olive oil mayo on wheat bread - 250 calories, cantaloupe 100 calories

Holy carbs on my ass

For breakfast I split a ab&j with Jackson. FYI he threw most of his to the imaginary animals on the walking trail. I ate all 230 calories of mine.



Lunch meant leftovers. I really was not as excited about this the second time around, prolly why I drowned it in ketchup. I am SUCH A CONDIMENT GIRL. = 700 calories




This was instead of Subway... it rocked! Homemade pesto made with basil from my garden, tomato, mozzarella and chicken pannini with an apple = 700ish calories, i compared this to several fast food panninis. Mine had 2 tb of pesto, an ounce of chicken cubes and 1/4 cup mozzarella.



My first "pictured" piece of cake! this is half a slice of oreo cake from Kroger with 1/2 cup edys ice cream = 350 calories and SO WORTH IT!

I felt like I was in over eaters anonymous when i chatted with a friend about my extreme need/want/craving to go get the other half of my piece. I abstained, thanks MEGAN. This led to a discussion about having a little treat everyday versus a big treat every couple of days.

I am so in the big treat club. I do not do well with delayed satisfaction, it is something I work on and dare say have occasionally prayed about. I think it just is what it is.

I work out for 2 days in a row and expect to wake up looking like Nicole Ritchie...pre-baby, you know when she made anorexics look fat.

Back to the total for the day = 1980 calories but way too many carbs and not enough fruits or veggies.

Tomorrow night we are entertaining friends. I am making grilled Pennsylvania Chicken, german potato salad and watermelon. Guests are bringing dessert and deviled eggs. AND WE ARE PLAYING CARDS... I miss games, pre-baby we were like the super game people now, I can't remember the last time we played games with a group.

So EXCITED!