we made up and i ate pizza

We fought and argued all day. got ALL of our issues regurgitated and flushed and ordered Dominos for dinner. Go figure.

I am ok with that. Since my only goal right now eating wise is NO SWEETs.

Soon I will add to my eating goals but for right now I needed to get my sugar addiction under control.

Wanna know my trick?? When I: see, want or are offered sweets in my head I just say "sure have the damn cookie, you dont really need your eye sight or your feet right?"

it works for now.

I signed up to do the "biggest loser" competition with my peeps at work. Again.

Last time I lost a total of 2lbs and really I am not sure I can really claim even that because the final weigh involved me in taking off various layers of clothing so that I would not end up owing those Nazis any more money.

Can you ever really look your superviser in the face again when you weighed in front of her in a teeshirt, socks and your panties??

She assured me that she got naked as well, but I am not so sure that she just was trying to make me feel less like a fool.

In my own defense when we started it was still hot and I wore skirts and light shirts and by the final weigh in I was wearing 2 shirts and jeans. Ok ya I am giving excuses. I am pretty sure I never "dieted" the whole 3 months. Every 2 weeks when we weighed in I would just pray there was not a gain on the scale because I hate giving money away.

But now we are starting over from scratch.

and you better believe I wore like 14 layers to give myself a "buffer" of sorts because you pay wether you stay the same or gain.

OMG reading this over I feel like a loser...

No desserts for over a week now, made it to the gym twice and walked in the neighborhood once and I am down 1.5 lbs.

P.S My husband is still annoying me. His work is stressful, my work is stressful and our kid was sick earlier in the week. Not a good combination. I miss the days of staying home with my kid, life was so less complicated and so more enjoyable.

Marriage

Me & hubs have not been on the same level recently. Basically I think we hate each other and I am not sure why. Blah. and Bleh. Because it sucks and makes me want to eat and hibernate in my bed.

I know it will get better, we have been together for going on 10 years so this is not the first time we have been "off" but I just wish it would hurry up and be over.

I wish i could "therapize" us and me and him and make it all better but life does not really work that way. So instead he will play his video games and I will blog and when our mutual stresses calm down we will like each other again. I hope.

i have a love/hate relationship with BL.

they always portray fat people as so sad and hopeless and friendless and loveless and spineless and self esteemless.

I know it makes good tv but geez cant they have one person a season who actually likes themselves A LITTLE BIT???

U know a person who loves them selves and cheesecake?

A new year. i love it.

2010 Goals

exercise 3x a week

apply for Phd Program

try 1 new thing a month


Hey fatgirl! shouldnt your goals be like lose 100 lbs run a marathon eat healthy exericise everyday for 3 hours...

nope

had those...they didnt work out so well for me.

I want to complete my goals this year.

Note of encouragement to myself.

Dear self,
You rock! Keep it up and add some more.
xoxo
the sexy beast

Holding.... I have gained and lost but stayed right the same. 275 since July.

On the positive: I have still lost 10 lbs for the year.

on the negative: my blood pressure is up. My blood pressure was perfect this summer and then I went to work. You think i can use the whole my blood pressure says I shouldnt work to stay home again? LOL

Life is complicated. I work with kids who have nothing and it reminds me to cherish what I have: above all a family that always loved me.

I like my job when I feel like I make a difference. But lots of days I am treading water or sinking to the bottom. I look forward to doing something different soon. New job or PhD, hopefully the latter.

Merry Christmas.

The End.

Zucchini Casserole

Sooo goood!!

4 cups shredded zucchini
1 cup sharp cheddar
1 med onion chopped
1 box Jiffy corn bread mix
2 eggs

Mix all ingredients but about half the cheese put in greased pan. Sprinkle rest of cheese and bake for 30-45 minutes at 350.

6 main dish servings- 275 each

Make with 3 eggs whites instead of 2 eggs = 255 calories each

leave out half the cheese and use the egg whites = 217 calories each

I have not tried the modifications yet... but will be :)