Fat Girl Who Loves Cake

I want this bike..

2010-10-15T19:19:00.001-07:00

so bad :)

i am horrible at this kind of thing

2010-04-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

I do not do forwards, prayer request chains, coupon trains, and/or blog award thingys. But i am going to ...Because Megan said to and you just do what Megan says...it makes life easier.

The rules are that I need to share ten honest things about myself with all of you, and then award ten of my favorite bloggers. I know that none of the people that I read will do this but here we go for me.

i hate to clean but when I do it I tend to do it in my underwear. I have no clue why.
i like to ride the 20 minutes to and from work in silence... no radio. my job involves a lot of talking and listening and it makes me tired.
I always wanted to have a foster child in my house growing up and begged to go to an all girls boarding school from 12-14.
My favorite food is blueberry jam and all natural pb on wheat bread. Could seriously eat this for every meal.
i am ok with peeing in the shower also i have no problems with men and toilet seats and think women who freak out over it are just being dramatic.
i hate the act of change but love to dream and make plans for it.
i would love to sell everything but the bare essentials and live a more simple life but its awfully complicated to get rid of things.
i know if i am going to be best friends with someone within 1 hour of meeting them...always. I tend to know in that amount of time if i am going to dislike them as well.
i like to to say "retard" and "fuck" a lot. but i have been working to quit because as a mommy and a therapist it makes me look unprofessional...but i still like to say the words.
in my dreams i have black hair and lots of tattoos.

ok i lied. Thats all I got. I do not know 10 bloggers who are not super famous and prolly get a million of these a day.

Mommy diary

2010-02-11T20:13:00.000-08:00

SO I stayed up til 10:30 making pink speckled rice crispy treats and putting them in cute little pink heart covered bags.

I went to bed feel like the mommy who had her shiz together.

Then this morning I overslept and just barely made it out the door on time.

again felt like I had my shiz together be we made it with all of his Valentines stuff and me a healthy lunch.

then i got to daycare 25.5 minutes later and went to get the kid out of the car and realized that I had forgot his shoes....

yes. no shoes.

So I stuff the kid back in his car seat and speed to walmart where kid sees the Valentines Cupcakes and screams at the top of his lungs "cupcake.. cupcake" all the way to the back of the store... the whole time I am trying to pick out a pair of non ugly toddler shoes that fit... all the way to the check out line and the whole car ride back to his daycare.

At which point he sees a ball and gets distracted...."momma... ball, mommma football"

2010-02-10T18:33:00.001-08:00

This week I worked from home 2 days because of the Arkansas Blizzard.

and I realized 2 things:

1. I could never work from home full time... way too many distractions.

2. I would be happier if I worked less days of the week.

If my PhD plan falls through I am going to find a contract position that will let me work 3 days a week because I miss my baby...and having time to do fun stuff...and be less busy.

PS. I am about to do something I thought I would never do....buy store bought cookies for the 2 year olds Valentines party at daycare tomorrow. because I am just too tired and have more work to do tonight.

Todays Yummys

2010-02-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

Breakfast- homemade roasted red pepper hummus and carrot chips 150

Grilled chicken breast and cheese stick...did not eat the salad because I left my dressing at home :( 400 calories

Starving snack when I got home
PB&J on Arnolds Whole Wheat Thin - 250
Marshmellows and Mint Chocolate chips - 100
1/2 cup whole milk- 75

apple 100
arnold thin 100
1/2 small avocado 150
1/2 cup shredded chicken 100

plus an unpictured small banana 100

total 1525

2010-01-24T19:37:00.001-08:00

I had this urge to write "oooooo pick me pick me pick me" on my Ph.D. applications.

I didnt..but i really really wanted to.

When my first draft got done I sent it to my mom for "shredding" because if nothing else she's honest. well and a good writer.

My dad called me and said "its too informal and sounds like a blog" I asked if it was entertaining and he told me yes, very and funny.

I cussed at him because i was acting like a child and he hurt my feelings and I wanted my MOTHER to read the stupid thing. I am pretty sure I referenced to my father that she sucks as a mom and support system and this is the most important thing in my life blah blah blah yeah i was like 15 again.

What can I say. I have mommy complications. Its a long story. Really short goes like this- parents divorced when i was 16, dad got custody and moved us from the big city where we had grown up to bumfuck no wheres arkansas, we spent most of our time taking turns insulting my mother and sharing stories of the mean stuff we did to her during summer visits like steal her jewelery and pawn it.

Then my parents got remarried 2 years ago on valentines day. Yeah you can throw up if you need to.

Now they are very happily married with no kids and 2 dogs and a cat in texas.

Now everyone is nice to one another and when my sister, father and I get together we have a hell of a lot less to talk about.

My mom called a couple hours after i said my mean things to dad.

She apologized. not sure she has ever done that.

Skeegy bitch.

she has been busy with her first week back to nursing school and helping my dad get ready to move to Florida for his new job. I felt petty and mean and self centered. Boo.

Then she helped me write my paper better.

Somewhat boring. but less rambling, more professional and doctor like.

Now if I dont get in I can blame my parents. lol

:)

2010-01-24T19:31:00.000-08:00

today is a good day.

Today I completed my application for the Ph.D. Program I reallly reallly really want to be accepted into.

I am ok if I dont get in because I believe that my lifes path always works out how it is supposed to.

Plan B is to have another baby. like yesterday. well lose weight then get pregnant then have another baby.

we made up and i ate pizza

2010-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

We fought and argued all day. got ALL of our issues regurgitated and flushed and ordered Dominos for dinner. Go figure.

I am ok with that. Since my only goal right now eating wise is NO SWEETs.

Soon I will add to my eating goals but for right now I needed to get my sugar addiction under control.

Wanna know my trick?? When I: see, want or are offered sweets in my head I just say "sure have the damn cookie, you dont really need your eye sight or your feet right?"

it works for now.

2010-01-17T11:37:00.000-08:00

I signed up to do the "biggest loser" competition with my peeps at work. Again.

Last time I lost a total of 2lbs and really I am not sure I can really claim even that because the final weigh involved me in taking off various layers of clothing so that I would not end up owing those Nazis any more money.

Can you ever really look your superviser in the face again when you weighed in front of her in a teeshirt, socks and your panties??

She assured me that she got naked as well, but I am not so sure that she just was trying to make me feel less like a fool.

In my own defense when we started it was still hot and I wore skirts and light shirts and by the final weigh in I was wearing 2 shirts and jeans. Ok ya I am giving excuses. I am pretty sure I never "dieted" the whole 3 months. Every 2 weeks when we weighed in I would just pray there was not a gain on the scale because I hate giving money away.

But now we are starting over from scratch.

and you better believe I wore like 14 layers to give myself a "buffer" of sorts because you pay wether you stay the same or gain.

OMG reading this over I feel like a loser...

No desserts for over a week now, made it to the gym twice and walked in the neighborhood once and I am down 1.5 lbs.

P.S My husband is still annoying me. His work is stressful, my work is stressful and our kid was sick earlier in the week. Not a good combination. I miss the days of staying home with my kid, life was so less complicated and so more enjoyable.

Marriage

2010-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Me & hubs have not been on the same level recently. Basically I think we hate each other and I am not sure why. Blah. and Bleh. Because it sucks and makes me want to eat and hibernate in my bed.

I know it will get better, we have been together for going on 10 years so this is not the first time we have been "off" but I just wish it would hurry up and be over.

I wish i could "therapize" us and me and him and make it all better but life does not really work that way. So instead he will play his video games and I will blog and when our mutual stresses calm down we will like each other again. I hope.

2010-01-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

i have a love/hate relationship with BL.

they always portray fat people as so sad and hopeless and friendless and loveless and spineless and self esteemless.

I know it makes good tv but geez cant they have one person a season who actually likes themselves A LITTLE BIT???

U know a person who loves them selves and cheesecake?

2010-01-05T20:50:00.000-08:00

A new year. i love it.

2010 Goals

exercise 3x a week

apply for Phd Program

try 1 new thing a month

Hey fatgirl! shouldnt your goals be like lose 100 lbs run a marathon eat healthy exericise everyday for 3 hours...

nope

had those...they didnt work out so well for me.

I want to complete my goals this year.

Note of encouragement to myself.

Dear self,
You rock! Keep it up and add some more.
xoxo
the sexy beast

2009-12-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

Holding.... I have gained and lost but stayed right the same. 275 since July.

On the positive: I have still lost 10 lbs for the year.

on the negative: my blood pressure is up. My blood pressure was perfect this summer and then I went to work. You think i can use the whole my blood pressure says I shouldnt work to stay home again? LOL

Life is complicated. I work with kids who have nothing and it reminds me to cherish what I have: above all a family that always loved me.

I like my job when I feel like I make a difference. But lots of days I am treading water or sinking to the bottom. I look forward to doing something different soon. New job or PhD, hopefully the latter.

Merry Christmas.

The End.

Zucchini Casserole

2009-12-04T06:09:00.000-08:00

Sooo goood!!

4 cups shredded zucchini
1 cup sharp cheddar
1 med onion chopped
1 box Jiffy corn bread mix
2 eggs

Mix all ingredients but about half the cheese put in greased pan. Sprinkle rest of cheese and bake for 30-45 minutes at 350.

6 main dish servings- 275 each

Make with 3 eggs whites instead of 2 eggs = 255 calories each

leave out half the cheese and use the egg whites = 217 calories each

I have not tried the modifications yet... but will be :)

i want to eat

2009-11-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

sad sad fat girl. Has had a really stressful week and really really really wants to eat...

damnit why do I always get back on the wagon when I am stressed...oh wait never mind I am always stressed.

I am acutely aware that my current cravings and yearnings for something sweet feels distinctly like other addictions I have faced and conquered in my past.

How did I quit smoking??? cold turkey on a whim

give up sketchy men?? cold turkey on a whim

dude. I am so going to take a shower and go to bed. Thats really what the issue is. I am tired.
Stayed up much to late having a wonderful conversation with hubs. and if I go to bed now, I am much more likely to make my 5 am date with the gym.

Food today was:

2 breakfast muffins- 500
1 apple- 100
carrots and light dip- 150
chicken Parmesan- 300
1 slice light garlic bread- 130
steamed broccoli- 25
1/2 serving wheat pasta- 100

yes sir today was a good day :)

hey look food!

2009-11-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

Packed some food- new love in my life = grapefruit = 50 calories for the whole damn thing! Love it!
2 blueberry pumpkin flax whole wheat muffins- aka breakfast muffins- 500 calories
lean pocket - 270 cal
carrots that never got eaten

green beans and cabbage casserole with fat free stuffing on top.

Wanna know how to make fat free stuffing....make stove top and leave out the butter.

Ate this plus another half serving of casserole.
Casserole has 1 large cabbage, 1 onion, 1 cup light sour cream, 1 cup sharp cheddar, 1 lb ground turkey breasts, 1/4 lb hot sausage, 1/4 cup butter and panko bread crumbs - lots of yummyness- makes a large 9x13 dish that feeds me and hubs 2 dinners and 2 lunches each.

Other eats that went unpictured- 1 bite of a lara bar - kid and hubs stole the rest.

Note to self - buy more Lara bars they rock!

Hubs so did not believe me when i told him that it only has 3 ingredients in that flavor- peanut butter cookie = dates, peanuts salt.

also some green bean crisps thingys- 150 calories per 22- kid loved these weird cracker green bean shaped things too. Got them from Whole Foods. Depending on the sale more than likely would buy them again.

PS. Made it to the gym- 45 minute kick my ass step class and 15 minutes on the bike.

2009-11-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

today i decided i wanted lap band surgery...watched videos online...psyched myself up, hell I even posted my desire on facebook. (not really the wisest idea)

Husbands insurance does not cover it.

In February I can opt into insurance at my work and they do cover it.

So now I have to wait.

I am not really that good at being patient or waiting.

I wanted surgery like tomorrow.

PS. I deleted the facebook posting- my feelings get hurt really easy and I hate people giving me warnings of dire consequences when all I want is to look hot in a swim suit. WHo wants to think about death??? Fuck Forrest Gump and his damn life is like a box of chocolates bullshit- I want to cheat and get the box with the map of which chocolates are which because I want to KNOW what I am going to get.

2009-11-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

SPICY SWEET GLAZE CHICKEN
2 Tablespoons Minced Garlic
2/3 cup Apricot Preserves
1/3 cup Soy Sauce
1/3 cup Ketchup
1-2 tsp or more! spicy Asian chili sauce

Dump all parts of sauce in plastic gallon sized freezer bag, mush with hands. Add 4 chicken breasts- Cut up into chunks if you are feeling ambitious. Mush some more.
Leave in fridge overnight or put in freezer up to 2 months. If frozen let thaw overnight in fridge.

Pour sauce and chicken in greased casserole dish bake at 350 til done- depends on size cut pieces usually around 20 minutes in preheated oven, large pieces 35-45 minutes.

Serve over brown rice or egg noodles or mashed potatoes.

2009-11-13T07:37:00.000-08:00

Breakfast muffins
2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1/4 cup ground flax
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 1/2 tsp cinnamin
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 small 16 oz can pumpkin
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup milk
3 tb oil
2 eggs
1 1/4 cup frozen blueberries (do not thaw)
3/4 cup walnuts
place all dry ingriedients including walnuts in blender- pulse til walnuts are chopped
in large bowl mix wet except blueberriesfold dry into wet, add blueberries- stir as little as possible- fold in blueberries
put in greased muffin tin- they will be very full!12 muffins- 350 22-28 minutes

250 calories per muffin

2009-11-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

This week I have been at conference…Arkansas Counseling Association Annual Conference to be exact. LOVED IT…yes I am about the biggest dork you can meet. It makes my day to learn new things in my field. I attended sessions on pediatric bipolar, girl bullying, Jungian approach to adolescence and using creative arts with kids. Plus I had meetings for the Licensed Counselor Division in which I am secretary, got offered v ice president position but turned it down because of my plans for next year and the increase in work that it would entail.
But the most earth moving life changing epiphany creating thing that happened is that I used a coozie for the first time. LOVED IT why do I not own one of these things... why have I never used one.. why was this not on my wedding registry list???
Its cool though I got two this week at conference. One day I want to get one with my name on it.
On the eating front, no pictures but I haven’t hated myself for what I have been eating. I have not been “good” by any means- ate lots of sugar but also did things in new ways. For example threw away ice cream with chocolate sauce that was really really good but I was full. Didn’t eat more than a bite of some foods that were just meh when going out to eat.
Earlier this week I also did some things that were kind of out of character for a fat girl: decided NOT to get a birthday cake because I knew I would eat too much of it. Chose instead to have one dessert each day while on vacation. Not sure if it was the best idea but it sure was fun and there was no overeating of sweets!

2009-09-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

food today

pb sandwhich 300 cal
ham sandwhich 300 cal
doritos 260 cal
nachos bell grande 760 cal
taco supreme 200
random bites of a burrito- 200 cal

total for the day = 2020 cal

2009-09-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little food poisoning to start a new diet off.

Mondays intake:
1 slice of toast with pb
1/2 glass Gatorade

output:
you really don't want to know.

todays imput has been a little more:
1 banana
1/2 pear
2 homemade granola bars
1/2 cup tomato soup
5 crackers
1/4 toasted cheese sandwich

No work out the last 2 days :( well unless you count the massive ab exercises that are involved with multiple up chucks.

updates

2009-09-11T17:58:00.001-07:00

life is starting to get more comfortable. Well kinda.
The kid actually made it to daycare all 4 days this week and hasnt had a fever since sunday...Huge considering hes been sick off and on for 2 weeks.
Still not sleeping great at night but he has taken a few 1.5-2 hour naps at daycare.
I still hate it though.

Some peeps at my work are starting a biggest loser contest. Money is involved. I love competition and I have decided that I would like that $100 or more pot for christmas fun.

That means i should be getting back to my food blogging on here a little more consistently.

According to my scale I have lost 5 more lbs. I say that because the scale we are using for the contest says i am 7 lbs heavier...i dont think my clothes weigh 7 lbs but whatever.

2009-08-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

i miss my blogging adventures :(
one day soon I hope to get back to them more consistently. For now I am proud of myself for going to the gym a couple times a week and not resorting to fast food more than once a week or so...work is good, hard but good. I learned how to castrate a goat the other day...you really do not want to know FYI I am a school based therapist.
My kid got sick after 5 seconds at daycare so he has not been sleeping which in turn means we have not been sleeping either. he stayed home 2 days and then friday went back.
I feel like writing a letter to my sons new daycare, it would go something like this.

Dear daycare peeps,
I get that you have 8 other kids in my childs room to worry about but since you know i will be there at 4:05 everyday can you make sure his diaper is fresh, I mean i am paying you for this kind of shit right? also if I have to tell you again to put sunscreen on him I might go postal...do you remember what that is, it involves guns and dead people.
Thanks,
the therapist mom that is not all warm and fuzzy and instead is kind of a bitch

PS. 15 minutes does not count as a nap so dont even bother to write that shit down.

2009-08-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

PS.

I am now employed. I start MOnday.... I will busily be looking for easy portable lunches this weekend as I cry and hold my baby :(

2009-08-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

"undertakers have discovered that human bodies are not deteriorating as quickly as they used to, The reason, they believe, is that the standard North American diet now contains so many preservatives, and these chemicals may prevent the body from decomposing rapidly after death." From this website...Eat Shrink and Be Merry

Holey ewww batman!

Funny old person moment happened at my house today.

Hubs grandma was in town and had some hostess lil debbie 100 calorie pack Carrot cake muffins....and was talking about how they were healthy and would make a good breakfast because they have CARROTS in them.

Dude I cant make this shiz up.

I was struck speechless.

I wonder how preserved her body is getting if she thinks the pooo that is hostess cupcakes is good for you food???

How did we get so out of touch with the reality that is real food?

2009-08-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

This video was AMAZING.... a trainer gained 90 lbs on purpose to better understand his clients well and make a documentary film but I dont hate him for wanting to make money off it.

2009-08-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

something awkward happened after my "i think i am going to die" workout class this morning.

An old man (yes there are several men in the class- soo weird) but back to this particular old man.

He walked up to me, said "good job" and stuck his hand out for a high five!!

Ok what is one supposed to do in this situation... I mean I couldn't very well leave the man hanging and how is he supposed to know that I:

am not a morning person
don't talk to strangers
and definitely don't do high fives with them especially at 6 am when my legs are jelly and I have a huge wedgie and cant pick it because there are mirrors everywhere because apparently skinny people like to LOOK at themselves while getting all red faced and sweaty.

so I gave him a weak high five and said thanks and left quickly.

Polite but not encouraging of more interaction. that's how I roll.

Now if I could just figure out how to get rid of a wedgie in a room full of mirrors.

2009-08-07T04:21:00.001-07:00

I have been a horrible fat girl when it comes to food the last few days. The stress of going back to work is really getting to me.

I dont wannnaaaaa.

starting new things is not my forte. Blah.

So since I just cant seem to keep junk off my plate this week I am focusing on my exercise routine...you know the one that has me getting out of the bed before 5 am.

I take a class that totally kicks my ass.

really need to start getting these posted on the right day

2009-08-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

homemade granola bar (3 more over the course of the day)
1000 calories (ya this recipe really needs to be modified)

buffalo chicken dip, celery, and chips - 600 calories

cheez-its - 160 calories

total = 1760

Fast and Easy Chili Nachos

2009-08-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

Chili Nachos

12 tortilla chips - 140 calories
1/4 can of Hormel Turkey Chili with Beans - 100 calories
lettuce
onions
spinach
banana peppers
1/4 cup 2% cheese - 80 calories
tomatoes
3 tb light sour cream - 60 calories

less than 500 calories

I ate one other meal today- Lunch at Chilis with a friend to celebrate my new job.

I had 1/2 a bacon burger 500 calories , 1/3 a molten cake 430 calories, some cheese fries - 300 calories and a corn on the cob - 190 calories

Total for the day = 1920 calories

ouch!!! and no exercise :(

Fat Girl needs to IGNORE friends who tempt them and say they should go out to lunch to celebrate ANYTHING! (just an FYI that biatch is skinny too!)

Now I am off to bed....gotta get up early so I can get my ass spanked by some crazy skinny chick at 5:15 am!

Mondays Food

2009-08-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Breakfast- half a Texas Roadhouse Cheeseburger
400 calories

lunch- homemade dark chocolate mousse and mint chocolate chip ice cream
700 calories

Dinner- fruit salad, pb&j and cheese its - plus another 1/2 sandwhich and a glass of 2% milk

700 calories

Total for the day: 1800 calories

Exercise:

45 minutes of agonizing step aerobics & 1 hour mowing the very tall tall grass in my front lawn in 100 degree heat

2009-08-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

" In the study of 173 countries, we stood with Liberia, Swaziland, and Papua New Guinea as the only countries providing no paid maternity leave. Of the 169 countries that guarantee paid maternity leave, 98 of them provide 14 or more weeks. Among wealthy countries—except ours—parents are entitled to as much as 47 weeks of paid family leave"

Source- Newsweek

But dude I bet those countries do not pay out billion dollar buy outs to companies that are failing.

2009-08-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

I annoy people on purpose sometimes.

there is a man who lives across the street from us who watches me mow my lawn.
creepy right?

Except for he isn't getting his jollys off- he watching and shaking his repeatedly because I do not mow my yard the way he thinks it needs to be mowed.

He uses a bagger and has PERFECT diagnal lines and mows twice a week.

I usually wait to long, dont bag and my lines are always crooked.

Here recently I have taken to tormenting the poor old man.

I can't seem to help myself- I have been making crazy disorder with the lawn mower.

think lines & squiggles.

Dude if I knew his name I would soooo mow that into my front yard.

Told ya I was mean.

2009-08-03T12:34:00.001-07:00

I made it to class at 5:15 this morning.

That shit is soo hard.

I seriously can feel my fat MELTING.

2009-08-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

Am I the only person who hates her former fat friends who got skinny??

(1 gastric bypass, 3 lapbands and 1 au natural)

Seriously its not about the jealously...dude its there but that's not why I hate them.

its all about the secrecy... as they lose the weight they seem to become increasingly uncomfortable talking about it.

my compassionate side sees why they have this issue, I am sure EVERYONE asks them what they eat and how they exercise.... and they must get so tired of talking about "it"

but my nosy fatgirl side wants to know....what they eat EVERY single day.

I want to see it.

I read lots of food blogs, some with peeps that have lost weight.
But its always 15-30 lbs which I admire them for but only a little.
I want to see someone who was super fat and is not anymore, what did they eat while they were losing....what do they eat now...?

I've toyed with the idea of getting lapband. I am a good candidate for the surgery. I do know how to eat well and I exercise more than most girls who weigh over 250 lbs.

What keeps me from seriously looking into it is that I know I would feel like a failure.

I want to do this on my own.

2009-08-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Thursday Morning we got up way to early and loaded mr jackson in the car to take him to stay with his great grandma for the weekend.

I miss the lil booger. A lot!

But it has been fun to play childless for a while. Hubs birthday was also on Thursday so after driving for 5 hours I asked what he wanted to do for his bday and he said "go to the gym together"

I played Wallyball (volley ball on a raquet ball court- 10 people are on the court at once!).

I sucked. but at least I tried.

it was fun...kinda. Its very loud because its enclosed and the ball hits the walls alot and I am not soo good when under pressure and the ball flies all over the place and my a.d.d kicked in a couple times....well anyway I think I will stick with my workout classes.

it was VERY FUN to see hubs having a great time, he loves anything competitive.

Then we went to a late showing of Harry Potter- not the best but we were the ONLY people in the theatre so that was kinda cool.
Since we had not eaten dinner and were starving we got popcorn to share.
Dude stale popcorn sucks....and $8 stale popcorn really sucks.

So its was after 1 by that time and we were both starving so we hit up Mcdonalds for breakfast food. I had a bacon egg biscuit, dissappointingly though :( booo again!

Finally on Friday I got some good eats.
me and chickie banana went to Jasons Deli for the first time.

Seriously, I am in love.

AMAZING Salad Bar.

Then we shopped for 7 hours.

Dinner was some more amazing grub at a Brazilian grill called Gauchos- hmmm Atkins dieters paradise. I think I am now set on protein for a month.

Hubs rented the newest Fast and Furious, loved seeing all the original cast back together and then we hit the hay around 2 am again.

Today things are finally slowing down. We went to a Greek restarant for lunch called Layla's in west little rock.

Hummus & babbaganoush & tabbouleh with fresh warm pitas for appetizers & then hubs got a spinach garlic pizza and I got a gyro ( but ate some pizza after only a couple bites of gyro which was not my fav)

First time for both of us on gyro, tabbouleh and babbaganoush.

then we went to Harvest Food to get some supplies (shrimp, yogurt, whole wheat pastry flour, spices, honey, TVP & wheat gluten) and gifts for the gma (cocoa nibs & cashews).

Fun couple of days!

Next on my to do list is going to Kroger and Walmart.

Then its time for me to start cooking.

I am going to attempt to do once month cooking!

Then menu is planned and the lists are ready to go!

2009-07-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today my eating was sooo like my personality...I tend to go to extremes A LOT.
I realize this flaw and I am working on it.
Today ummm I didnt do so good :)

1 egg + 2 whites
1/4 cup 2% cheese
spinach
onions
watermelon
= 300 calories

yes I really ate ice cream for lunch, naughty fatgirl.

this times 2
ice cream = 280
cookies = 150

Taco Salad for dinner
baked tortilla shell - 210
1/4 cup taco meat - 120 calories ??
1/8 cup 2% cheese - 45 calories
2 tb light sour cream - 40 calories
lettuce, spinach, onions tomatoes = 50 calories

Hubbys birthday cake! We have been together for a lot of his birthdays (ummm like 9) and this is the first real cake I think that I have made him. Usually he gets cheesecake but I had this idea for a cake and oooo it was soo good.

No I didnt eat the whole thing! but i was so excited that i umm forgot to take my picture. and i had a glass of whole milk. GASP! it was all we had (the one year old has to drink it :) and dude with cake u have to either have milk or ice cream. No. Exceptions.

This is a white cake with dark chocolate filling and peanut butter glaze. it involved a lot of standing and whisking over a hot stove but hubs was impressed.

My total for the day before cake and milk was 1195 so I think I am safe in the whole not going over 2000 calories category.

2009-07-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

My daily eats are back!

Flax waffle + 1 tb pb = 350
watermelon = 100

pita = 120
1 tb pb = 90
1 laughing cow = 35
tomato = 15
watermelon = 100
peas = 30

1/2 pita with 1 tb pb= 150

Hummungo chicken burrito
1/2 cup chicken = 115
1/2 cup rice = 150
1/4 cup 2% cheese = 90
large flour tortilla = 210
assorted in rice mixture (2 fat free cream soups, salsa, enchilada sauce) = 50
3 tb sour cream = 60
salad = 15

oh ya AND 6 grasshopper cookies and 1/2 cup mint chocolate chip edys light ice cream = 120 + 225
and the picture wont upload...maybe i will have to do it seperate???

total for the day = 2025 dinner f' ed me.

It was my own fault because I had to go to the grocery store and then I got back and hubs left to go to the gym and then it I had to finish feeding kid, clean up...blah blah blah by then i was mucho grande starving.

2009-07-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Renee is tired. She got up BCD and did crazy things with crazy people. So now fat girl is hitting the pillows like an elderly women.
If it wasnt raining I am sure there would still be sunlight.

PS I started taking pictures of everything I eat again. its annoying. yet helpful.

2009-07-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

Before and After Pictures: take 1

The happy family Memorial Day Weekend 2009

Us again (hubs has been working out too...can ya tell??) July 25, 2009

I love that the only one getting bigger is the kid :)

2009-07-27T10:05:00.001-07:00

I have found the skinny people!

You cant tell anyone I told you but they congregate at the gym at 5 in the morning.

FYI: I think to be skinny maybe you have to be a touch insane

well or hate to eat.

The class was tough! Like i kinda thought about leaving 14 times and then I thought about upchucking twice and I actually laughed at the lady once when she said we should be "starting" to feel our heart rates increasing, ya right lady by that time I felt like my heart was going propel it self out of my body because it was beating so hard.

First of all I am not a morning person. Really.

Like people laughed at me when I said I was going to start taking an exercise class that started at 5:15 AM.

2nd it was like Oh my god hard.

45 minutes on a step board...doing stuff that I could barely understand let alone get my body to mimic. I am sure I looked a fool because I was not keeping up very well because I was sure I was going to fall.

and I may or may not have let out some gas...thank jesus for loud music.

But I made it.
and
I can't wait til the next class on Wednesday.
:)

The Organic Debate

2009-07-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

Just some facts I picked up from the Prevention Magazine online website.

General Health Benefits

Organics Have More Nutrients: Reports of organic food not being better for you are outdated. A brand new analysis of about 100 studies, including more than 40 published in the past 7 years, found that the average levels of nearly a dozen nutrients are 25% higher in organic produce.
There May Be Weight Benefits: Research in rats found that those fed an all-organic diet (versus conventional food) had lower weights, less body fat, and stronger immune systems. Plus, the "clean diet" animals were calmer and slept better.
You Consume Fewer Toxins: Eating the 12 most contaminated fruits and vegetables exposes you to about 14 pesticides a day. A study supported by the EPA measured pesticide levels in children's urine before and after a switch to an organic diet. After just 5 days, the chemicals decreased to undetectable levels.

"A study in the journal Meat Science compared the nutritional content of organic and nonorganic chicken meat. The researchers found that the organic samples contained 28% more omega-3s, essential fatty acids that are linked to reduced rates of heart disease, depression, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, inflammation, and Alzheimer's disease. Animals raised organically can't be given antibiotics, growth hormones, or feed made from animal by-products (which can transmit mad cow disease)."

"Recent studies revealed impressive findings on organic milk. Some highlights include: It contains 75% more beta-carotene, as much as a serving of brussels sprouts. It has 50% more vitamin E, a powerful antioxidant that aids the immune system and fights cancer and heart disease. It provides 2 to 3 times the antioxidants lutein and zeaxanthin, and about 70% more omega-3 fatty acids. Organic milk also contains more conjugated linoleic acid (CLA). This good fat has been linked to numerous health benefits, including stronger immunity, less belly fat, a lower risk of type 2 diabetes, and healthier arteries"

"The most important fruits and vegetables you should buy organic: (1) those with the greatest pesticide residues and (2) the ones you eat most often. Government lab tests show that even after washing, certain fruits and vegetables carry much higher levels of pesticides than do others. Between 2000 and 2005, the not-for-profit Environmental Working Group (EWG) analyzed the results of nearly 51,000 tests for residues on produce. Based on the data, they created a "dirty dozen" list of the most contaminated fruits and veggies. Top offenders include: peaches, apples, bell peppers, celery, nectarines, strawberries, cherries, pears, grapes (imported), spinach, lettuce, and potatoes"

I try to buy as much organic as we can afford. I have noticed that the stuff we do buy- milk and canned veggies are so much tastier!

Now is it my brain saying that it should taste better... I do not know.

Adventurous

2009-07-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is "adventurous". ( brought to you by the number 14....ya I am mommy for real now with my sesame street references)

I felt adventurous when I went by myself to a Zumba class this morning.

It was hard! But I made it and it was fun.

I also felt adventurous this afternoon when we went to a birthday party at a bounce house and I slide down the slide and play boxed with Kirt.

To often I am not adventurous, I do not do things because I am afraid.

I let my fears control my life for too long.

Even today I had "fear thoughts" or what if thoughts.

Like what if someone laughed at me at Zumba or what if I couldn't physically do the steps or what if I was too big for the bounce house and it broke?

I had to talk myself out of the fear what if thoughts. If someone did laugh at me I can choose to challenge or ignore them. That is my right.

If the class was to hard I can choose to modify or simply to leave.

and the fear of being so big i would pop things, well it was silly to begin with...and it didn't hurt that hubs weighs close to my weight and there were no lights and warning sirens that went off telling him "oh hell no, you to fat, get off the ride" when he got on, oh ya and nothing exploded.

Today was fun.

PS I had WONDERFUL cake today! Yummy! Gotta love birthday cake!

update on the debate on giving up bread and sugar...

2009-07-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

so not...

because i have eaten whatever I wanted for the last week or so...and not worked out near enough and my funky chunky butt lost 3 lbs. So like whatever.

I will trudge on and stop worrying so much.

Some days I think I want to throw away my scale but I really really like knowing even if sometimes the number makes me:

frustrated

pissed

depressed

because today the number made me

ECSTATIC

Such is the life of someone trying to lose lots and lots of weight.

There is such a long journey to be made.

should i give up bread and sugar??

2009-07-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

perhaps...

the question might be

can i give up bread and sugar?

WTF

2009-07-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

WTF = What the fuck, for the peeps not initiated to text slang.

I lost 2 lbs all month.

April-May I lost 6 and I was eating way more and exercising WAY less.

taking a break

2009-07-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

I am taking a break from taking pictures.

I am working on getting my house in order to go back to work, starting a new gym routine and also finding a job and dude for real, I am just kinda tired of taking pictures of everything.

maybe because it doesnt feel like its working.

Or at least not fast enough.

I know that means I need to restrict my calories more but I hate being hungry :(

I figured I would take 1 week off from taking pictures and then start again on Monday.

Baby Houdini

2009-07-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

My kid was taking his morning nap or at least WE THOUGHT he was taking a nap.
Instead he was trying to be a baby Houdini.
The cord you see wrapped around him is his video monitor cord.
My husband LAUGHED at me when I used packing tape to tape from under the camera all the way down the wall to keep Jackson from playing with it. He claimed I was being slightly excessive.
The kid is laughing at us now.
I believe the word he is thinking of is "amateurs"
I retaped the cord...and from now on when he is in bed we are pulling the crib away from the wall.

Yard Sale Day

2009-07-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Yard sale day was tiring but fun! It was almost like a party with all our friends and their kids coming over to hang out. The boys kept the kids inside and played the Wii and the girls sold the JUNK!
I was banned from taking money though because apparently there is some kind of order that the bills need to go in inside the money box, i am the girl who keeps her monopoly money in a pile too ;)
We all made loads of money and since we still had lots of stuff and its all tagged and ready to go, we plan to do round 2 next week!

Megan brought Krispy Kreme Donuts to the Yard Sale Party
I ended up eating TWO over the course of the morning!! = 700 calories

Breaded "Chicken" Soy patty + lettuce + tomato + miracle whip + mustard = 310 calories
crackers - 120 calories
light clam chowder - 120 calories

From Backyard Burger
Salsa Potato - 250
Side salad with light catalina dressing - 100
BLT - 250

total = 1850

2 days later...

2009-07-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

Wow has it really been two days since I have posted??? Its been a busy 2 days. Friday I was working on yard sale stuff all day and then our air conditioner went out. Luckily we have a friend whose husband fixes air conditioners and he came and fixed it for us- but we did not get in bed til almost 12:30 that night. The next morning I was awake...well sleep walking anyway at 5:50 am.
It was the perfect day for a yard sale. Overcast with a little breeze. For Arkansas in July it was almost cold LOL.

300 calories

400 calories

160 calories

Ham Sub from Subway
650 calories

Unpictured Fruit Loops for a late night snack - 300 calories

total = 1810 calories

Exercise - 30 minutes of walking at the park

Before Picture

2009-07-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

This is what I would look like if I rolled out in a bikini.
Not exactly super model material...dude, not even plus size super model material.

PS. I hate this picture.

Perfect late night snack!

2009-07-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

I was getting ready for bed when all of a sudden I was RAVENOUS like I could hear my stomach growling!
LOL no wonder with all the activity I did and eating dinner at 5:30 today instead of our usual 6:30-7!

1/8 cup cheddar + 1/2 cup cottage + 1/2 cup light cole slaw = 200 calories

revised total = 1655 calories

Worn Out!

2009-07-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

waffles + 1 tsp butter + 1 tsp honey & an egg = 300 calories

1 cup Pina Colada Fruit Salad - 100 calories
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese - 90 calories

2.5 cups Pina Colada Fruit salad - 250 calories
1/2 cup cottage cheese - 90 calories

3 ounces Meatloaf - 250 calories
1/2 cup mashed potatoes - 160 calories
1/2 cup corn - 80 calories
1/2 cup lima beans with butter -135 calories

Total = 1455 calories

Exercise Calories Burned
1 hour push mowing the yard - 600 calories
1 hour water aerobics - 528
15 minutes swimming laps - 200 calories

After all this exercise I am WORN OUT! Tomorrows agenda includes a possible 5 am gym work out followed by walking at the park at 8 am with friends. Then I am finishing all my tagging for the massive yard sale we are having on Saturday.

Yogurt Chicken Salad Recipe

2009-07-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

4 cups cubed cooked chicken breast
1 small apple cubed
1 cup celery diced
1 bunch green onions diced
1 1/4 cups fat free plain yogurt
1/4 cup miracle whip
2 tb dill pickel relish
1 cup tomato diced
2 tb poppy seeds
salt and pepper to taste

Combine and chill.

Makes about 10 cups with 160 calories per cup

Serve with crackers, in lettuce wraps, or on pitas.

Carrot/Pineapple/Raisin Muffin Recipe

2009-07-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

these were soo pretty I knew I needed a picture! (this is 3 cups grated carrots- I made a double batch of muffins for the freezer)

Finished Product- these freeze really well too!
160 calories per muffin

1.5 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1.5 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4-1/2 cup of brown sugar
2 tb dark unsulphered molasses
1 egg
2 tb oil
1/2 cup milk
1 8 ounce can crushed pineapple drained well
1.5 cups grated carrots
1/2 cup raisin soaked in boiling water for 15 minutes and then well drained

Mix dry ingredients in one bowl and wet (including fruit and carrots) in another. Add dry to wet and mix just until combined. Grease muffin tin or put in paper cups. makes 12 muffins

Bake at 350 for 18-23 minutes

Pina Colada Fruit Salad Recipe

2009-07-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

2 small apples
1 med. banana
10 strawberries
1 container light pina colada yogurt

makes 4 servings- about a cup each for about 90 calories each

I am thinking next time I might add some coconut or some pineapple.

This fruit salad is good with any canned or fresh fruits chopped with flavored light yogurt. My other favorite combo uses lemon yogurt.

Chicken Lettuce Wraps Recipe

2009-07-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

2 chicken breasts- cooked and chopped
1 can water chestnuts - drained
3 mushrooms- stems removed
2 tb onion

chop everything to be about the same size- small cubes

Sauce
3 tb white sugar
2 tb brown sugar
1/4 cup of water
3 tb rice wine vinegar
2 tb soy sauce
1 tb ketchup
2 Chinese mustard packets
1-4 tsp garlic chili paste (can start with 1 and add more at the end of cooking)
1 tb minced garlic
1/2-1 tsp powdered ginger
1 tb lemon juice
2 tsp corn starch

Mix sauce ingredients and set to the side.

1/2 head of iceburg lettuce - soaked in ice water for 20 minutes then dried well!

Heat 1 tb oil in wok or frying pan on medium hot. When hot add veggies and chicken stirring constantly. After 3 minutes add sauce, stirring constantly cook for 2-3 minutes - taste for seasoning- you might want yours hotter. If so add more chili paste.

and serve in lettuce cups.

Serves 2

Chicken Lettuce Wraps and Waffles :)

2009-07-09T10:02:00.000-07:00

Kashi Blueberry Waffles & tsp butter & tsp honey - 220 calories
egg - 80 calories

Pork BBQ - 230 calories
bun- 120 calories
Cole Slaw - 200 calories

carrot/raisin/pineapple muffin- 160 calories

lettuce wraps = 350 calories
fried rice = 250 calories for the half that I ended up eating then I got full and donated the rest to hub's plate.

total for the day- 1610 calories

Fast Post

2009-07-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

OK this is a quick post as I needed to go to bed like 5 minutes ago because I am getting up really early to go to the gym before hubs leaves the house at 6:30am. I did good eating wise today- I did have some more of the pork BBQ and some ice cream this afternoon (no peanut m&m's though thank goodness) before I went to my first GYM CLASS woohoo it was fun. I will definitly update tomorrow some mores.

FYI homemade cole slaw ROCKS! but is not super healthy lol.

Ok off to shower the chlorine off from the pool... or wait I hear the kid whining maybe not... well anyway gots to go :)

Ice Cream

2009-07-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

Celebratory Ice cream & peanut m&m's TIMES 2 = 800 calories!!

I got my license...its official I AM A THERAPIST!

total calories for the day = 2025

Homemade bread day!

2009-07-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

250 calories

Homemade whole wheat carrot raisin pineapple muffin - 150 calories

Mac and cheese 400 calories

Homemade Wheat Pitas with chicken salad - 250
BBQ rice cakes - 100
cantaloupe- 50
basil summer salad - 25

Groceries this week

2009-07-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

I went over budget by $2.24

I got:
2 cans water chestnuts
1 can hunts tomatoes
1 can delmonte carrots
1 can kroger lima beans
rice vinegar
panko breadcrumbs (impulse buy that put me over budget!!!)
sesame oil
instant brown rice
tortilla chips
cottage cheese
2 bags sharp cheddar
Low fat cream cheese
baby wipes
2 chocolate milks (manager special for hubs :)....ya sure)
large organic fat free plain yogurt
large organic vanilla yogurt (I mix this in Jackson's milk so that he will drink it)
1/2 gallon organic whole milk
eggs
3 boxes organic cereal
2 boxes kashi waffles
cantaloupe
bananas
marked down organic bananas
3 lemons
1 lb cherries
1 lb strawberries
coleslaw mix
3 mushrooms
1 lb carrots
lettuce
celery
4 small onions
vanilla wafers
2 marked down sausage rolls
2 cucumbers
large pork roast

First time

2009-07-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hamburger lettuce Wraps- these had 1 crumbled 4 oz burger, tomato, red onion, ketchup and mustard - 300 calories
Sugar Free Walmart Brand Lemonade- I love it and it makes it feel all summery!
Unpictured Fiber 1 Bar- 160 calories

First time I remember ever eating cherries like this. LOVE.THEM. I got these at Kroger and they were very sweet and on sale for $1.99lb!! - 50 calories ( a few were munched prior to the picture )
Barbara's Organic Cereal Squares- 100 calories
1/2 a banana 50 calories

Dinner was my now famous Spicy Buffalo Chicken Dip! I modified a recipe from a friend and it makes pie pan with 8 servings and each serving has 175 calories!

I had this TWICE for only 550 calories!! oh ya and IT ROCKS!

I also had an unpictured portion of tortilla chips- 160 calories!

These are sooo yummy and you get 15 cookies for 130 calories... I munched on 2 servings while watching tv with hubs- 260 calories

Total = 1630 and I seriously ATE all day long today!

Meal Plan for the Week

2009-07-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dinners

Buffalo Chicken Dip with Celery (tortilla chips for hubs)
Cucumber Salad
Fruit

Chicken Yogurt Salad
Whole Wheat Pitas
Strawberry Fruited Jello

Chili
sweet cornbread muffins
carrots

PF Changs Chicken Lettuce Wraps
stir fried veggies
Fried Brown Rice

Meatloaf
Scalloped Potatoes
Mixed Veggies

Whole Wheat Spaghetti with Tomato Basil Sauce
Steamed Broccoli

BBQ Pork Sandwiches
Cole Slaw
baked sweet potatoes

Lunch
leftovers
soup with crackers
scrambled egg whites and veggies

Breakfasts
Breakfast Cookies
Banana Muffins
Kashi Waffles
Fruit

Snacks
carrots with AB
Cucumbers & Carrots w/yogurt dip

Desserts
chocolate banana frozen yogurt with a few modifications to the attached recipe!
Sugar Free Chewy Fruit Cookies
Sugar Free Strawberry Jello Salad

Warning: BRUTALLY HONEST

2009-07-03T18:55:00.001-07:00

I want to binge and I really don't want to talk about it.

Right now I am really stressed out because of job issues...I am tired of not knowing what I will be doing week to week.

I wish my house was as organized and clean as my friend Breanna's and that my kid was as well behaved as my friend Kami 's and that my hair was cut like this chick that hangs out with my friend Megan. oh ya since I am wishing I wish I could run for miles and that I gained weight in my butt and legs before I did in my stomach.

Do I really need to say "my friend" like a billion times??

I want to eat 14 cupcakes right now and be happy. Well not happy. I would just be upset by something tangible something that I can control that is right now.

So I could say I made myself sad because I ate too many cupcakes instead of I feel like I am not measuring up to the world because it seems like everyone has their shit together but me.

Today I did not eat 14 cupcakes... I ate 1 and then the icing off of 2, earlier and felt like crap about it and wanted to lie about it.
I went to Las Palmos to eat mexican for lunch and had chicken taco salad and chips and cheese dip. I had leftover steak and buffalo chicken dip with celery for breakfast.

I did not exercise or clean my bathrooms or mop my floors.

I did however write an application letter and personalize my resume for a job that I am applying for and cleaned out and organized Jackson's toys. Also I worked on tagging/organizing for the yard sale.

It is 9ish. If I dedicate myself I can: clean all the things I wanted to clean today and go for a run. This would make me feel like less of a loser today.

Too many Yuckcakes, I mean cupcakes :)

2009-07-02T21:05:00.001-07:00

So today I ate:

3 cupcakes + the icing off of 2 other cupcakes = 950 calories

chicken & dumplings w/peas = 400 calories

1% milk - 100 calories

1 roll - 100 calories

4 ounces of ribeye - 250 calories

1/4 of a large potato - 50 calories

2 tb of sour cream - 50 calories

1/2 ear of corn - 25 calories

1 serving of tortilla chips - 160 calories

a bunch of celery - 0 :)

2 servings of Chicken Wing Dip - 150 calories

total for day = 2335 calories

wahhhh :( if only I had played the JUST SAY NO TO CUPCAKES GAME....

I had a great lazy day though! Hubs was off and we just kinda hung out all day. Played with the kid and read books in bed while he napped. THen we went over to some friends to play cards and eat dinner. I made Fire & Ice watermelon salsa and chicken wing dip and brought my cupcakes :)

Chicken Wing Dip Recipe
1 pk light cream cheese
1/4 cup of hot sauce or too taste, this is pretty mild.
2 cups of cheddar cheese
2 5 ounce cans of chicken

Reserve 1 cup of cheese- mix rest of ingriedients and put in pie plate. Sprinkle rest of cheese on top. Bake on 350 for 20 minutes or till bubbly. serve with corn chips and celery

I think the watermelon dip might be better the second day or maybe on some grilled fish. I am not a huge chip fan so maybe that was the problem. The chicken wing dip was decent- I ate mine with lots of celery :)

No exercise today...unless you count staying up till 1:30 am reading a Daniel Steel novel and then getting up at 6:30 with the kid exercise LOL. I finished the book this afternoon. True trash reading at its best :)

Today has turned into my trash eating day. I am going to be bring light side dishes and a light dessert to the party on Saturday and have a healthy low calorie-ish 4th of July :)

Old School Cupcakes with a twist

2009-07-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night we are having dinner with friends and offered to bring the dessert. I had a box of German chocolate cake mix and half a bag of powdered sugar leftover from Jackson's b-day and the friend declined my offer to make dumpcake because of her hate for coconut sooo cupcakes it is.

I set out to make my cupcakes healthy-er and yummy-er.

First I substituted half the oil with apple sauce then I added chili powder and Cinnamon to my chocolate cake. I thought this might be neat- like Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes :)

The frosting is some old school PERFECT buttercream flavored with vanilla and almond.

At first I thought about piping the icing on but HONESTLY it was too much work. Plus it uses A LOT of icing.

Now I have some old school cupcakes that look like the ones your mom made in 4th grade before Walmart and Pampered Chef took over the world.

Oh ya and the bonus is these only have about 250 calories each which is at least 100 calories less than most bakery cupcakes and is sooo much yummy-er.

I think I. love. them.

PS I had 1 cupcake and had to "taste" some (ok lots of somes) icing during the process :) 400 calories

total for day = 1780 calories

exercise calories for the 30 minutes I walked at the park this morning = 270 calories

Dumplings

2009-07-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I had a carrot w/2 tsp of almond butter :) 80 calories

By lunch time I was starving! I got a 12 inch subway grilled chicken on italian herbs in cheese bread with sweet onion terriki sauce and tomatos, lettuce, green peppers, cucumbers, and banana peppers TOASTED! Sooo good! I had half for lunch at 12:30 and the rest for 2nd lunch at 3:00 :) 700 calories

Tonight we were supposed to have homemade PF Changs Lettuce Wraps and "fried" brown rice.
It was just no meant to be as I was missing 3 KEY ingriedients.
Next week I will try again. So while looking at knock off recipes I came across one for Cracker Barrel chicken dumplings. Which Hubs LOVES and never gets to eat. So he got that for dinner! With mine I had steamed peas. - 600 calories

FYI I used frozen homemade chicken broth and already cooked chicken so this was SUPER fast to make!

Almond Butter tastes good with carrots!

2009-06-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

BEST lunch I have had in a LONG time. Well maybe.
We made it to the park before 8 this morning and then a friend came and so I ended up walking for about 1.5 hours and then we let the kiddos play for a while. Then my kid fell asleep in the car and I had errands to run and we did not get home till 11:30 with no breakfast for me (my kid I packed tons of stuff for but none for me LOL). So when I ate this at 12:30 I was STARVING and it tasted really really good!

Fake chicken patty + miracle whip + mustard + tomato slices + white wheat bun = 250 calories
watermelon = 100 calories
almond butter + carrots = 150 calories of PURE YUM!

These were soo much better today, now I will definitely make this again!
I ended up eating 3 of these through the afternoon - 300 calories

Salad
lettuce
spinach
chicken breast pieces - 100 calories
2 whole boiled egg whites plus 1/2 a egg yolk - 50 calories
croutons - 150 calories worth
red onion
1 cucumber
1 tomato
4 tb Cesar dressing - 320 calories
700 calories

I got done with dinner and I wanted chocolate. LOTS OF IT. Luckily none was at my house or it would have been GONE. I asked hubs to get me some... he said sure what did I want. I really really wanted at the time a butter finger blast from Sonic with extra candy, (yeah, I am a member of the go big or go home club). So I went and looked how many calories that was going to be that I was going to have to blog about: 600! for the smaller size with no extra candy.

I was still thinking that I was going to eat it and blog it and a say F*** it.

Then I thought about a convo I had with Megan about having a treat day, and how I already planned to eat a bunch of really yummy stuff at the 4th of July Picnic we are going to Saturday and then I checked my blog and read Kami's comment (thank you!) and the craving passed. THen my cranko kid woke up crying and since it was so cool outside the whole family took a walk for 20 minutes. Now the kid is asleep (hopefully for good) and I am off to take a shower and go to sleep.

Total Calories Eaten: 1500
Total Calories Burned: 998

Answer to the question WHY?

2009-06-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

Why are you taking pictures of everything you eat and putting it on a blog for the world to see???

Good question.

I was reorganizing my office this weekend and stumbled on some of my old journals. I love to procrastinate and hate to clean so I cracked them open and took a walk down memory lane.

I noticed 2 things.

1. that I was CRAZY when i was in high school
2. that my goal for the last 14 YEARS has been to lose weight

14 years... really that long and I havent gotten it taken care of??? WTF

Usually I am a take care of it kind of girl. I make goals and karate chop them down. quickly.

In the last 14 years while not losing weight I have (in no particular order):

Moved to Arkansas
received and maintained a full paid scholarship to HSU
bachelors degree - 3.68 gpa
masters degree - 4.0 gpa
Moved 7-8 times
got married - made many of the decorations
had a kid
joined a sorority...dropped out of a sorority
made friends....lost friends....met some more
sold LOTS of stuff on half.com and ebay
owned a daycare for like a minute
dealt with parents divorcing
dealt with parents remarrying
held 5-6 DIFFERENT jobs
presented at several conferences
was elected for secretary of the ArLCA division of ArCA

ok u get the picture, I have been busy. I have made more than 8 billion to do lists and goal lists in my life and have accomplished everything that I have really set out to do so far...but lose weight well and become a stripper but like I said when I was young I crossed the line into crazy for a bit.

I honestly FORGET that I am fat and need to workout and eat better. Ok forget might not be the best word, I get busy with other things and weightloss is hard and annoying and it takes commitment over time. I am better at pulling all nighters than I am about doing a little bit everyday. Blah. I have started and stopped and thought of starting next week or on Monday or after the Holidays and then I forget and some more time passes and then I look up and I have been fat for more than half of my life.

So the answer to the question is simple: by making myself take pictures of everything I eat and then blog about it every day, I am forced to THINK every single day about losing weight, exercising more, eating healthier. It is auto-piloted to a priority and I LOVE THAT.

Not a bad day

2009-06-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

AB&J = 200 calories
watermelon = 100 calories

Today I cooked up a bunch of stuff for the freezer using the 6.5 lbs of hamburger that I bought for $8.50
I made 2 meatloafs made with lots of veggies & oatmeal (will post recipe later if it turns out), 5 hamburgers (cooked on george forman cuz I skeered of my grill now), and 2 meals worth of cooked ground beef. The burgers SMELLED so good so that ended up being lunch.

Hamburger + Miracle Whip + mustard + tomato = 400 calories

Wayy later I got starving ??? and was CRAVING chocolate milk so this is a fake out-
Jay Robb chocolate protein powder + 8 ounces of 2 % = 200 calories

And I was full all afternoon - over 30 grams of protein will do that I guess. It was sweetened with Stevia and I didnt hate it. It was sweet enough but not chocolatey enough. I wish it was MO chocolate, if I had some coco powder I would have added it.

Dinner Veggie Lasagna made with lots of veggies and light cheese = 300 calories + a second helping = 150
and 2 unpictured banana strawberry muffin creations - 200 calories.
I used this recipe and subbed strawberries for the blueberries and did half whole wheat and half white. They are alright, I think I was the problem not the recipe- I undercooked them first and had to put them back in and they are mushy in the middle....definitly willing to try the recipe again.

Todays total = 1550 calories

1 hour walking at the park this morning
Exercise Calories Burned = 540

Hubs is out playing tennis with his man friends and I am debating between watching some girl tv and hitting the elliptical or just taking a shower and going to bed! I will let ya know tomorrow what wins!

Crazing

2009-06-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

Crazing- Crazy Ass Cravings

most often seen in pregnant women but can be seen on a semi regular basis from the fatgirl.

hmmm dump cake.

cherry pie filling + coconut + dry cake mix + stick of butter + pineapple

= holy cow good

I want one but I am resisting. Megan tells me its not worth...I am kinda convinced that she is wrong on this one.

FYI shes the biatch that introduced me to the sugary nasty goodness that is dump cake in the first place.

Wish I could figure out how to make that one healthy...oy and low sugar.

Anyways I read a crazy good post over at Oh She Glows.

Had some interesting "evolutionary" information.
Basically she talked about a study that found that everyone has cravings, and the more weight you lose the more likely you are to have intense cravings because it is our bodies trying to get us to eat. Because our bodies do not know that 276 lbs is not a good weight well unless you get trapped on a deserted island and then you can live off your own individual fat buffet for a couple of years.

Now I just got to get in the habit of either 1. satisfying my craving with something low in calories or 2. realize that a craving means I am losing weight and that should make me happy and happiness can now make me full.

Groceries for the week

2009-06-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so last week I was like F*** this I am going hard core.

Well we shall see. Since it was the end of the week when I tried I did not do so good but this week I am stocked up on fruits and veggies, oh ya and chicken.

For $61.19 I got:
watermelon
spinach
carrots
tomatos
cabbage
cucumber
strawberries
organic whole milk
hormone ladened 1 % milk
organic vanilla yogurt
sliced cheddar cheese
ham
wheat bread (last 3 are for hubs lunches)
2 Sara Lee "white wheat" buns
whole wheat egg noodles
3 bags of frozen chicken breasts (7.5 lbs)
6.5 lbs of hamburger meat on managers special
Organic canned peas
canned Lima beans
canned garbanzo beans
canned kidney beans
unsweetened applesauce
3 individual yogurts

I forgot and will go back and spend the rest of my money:
iceberg lettuce
plain yogurt
pb
MORE WATERMELON :)

This weeks dinner plans include:

Chicken & steamed broccoli with pasta sauce (noodles for hubs and the kid)
Chicken noodle soup, crackers, apples
BBQ CHicken (possibly on the George Forman because well I am kinda of scared of my grill a this point), sweet potatoes, green beans
lettuce wraps that are trying to imitate PF Changs, fried brown rice for hubs&kid
Grilled honey mustard chicken, potatoes and spinach salad
chili, corn bread, and veggies
veggie lasagna - this officially will get eaten on Monday because I took it out of the freezer to eat for Sunday dinner and it was still to frozen. I am not going to hate myself for eating it and breaking my rules, like on day 1 of the week.

Weekend Wrap Up Part Deux

2009-06-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

More watermelon = 150 calories

Fake Chicken on a fake wheat bun with miracle whip, mustard and a roma mato = 250 calories
Pan "fried" squash, zucchini, onion, peppers, olive oil = 100 calories

blurry dark Hershey Kisses 5 = 110 calories
unpictured Chocolate Fiber 1 = 140 calories

Total Calories for today = 2030

Damn nuts!

This just shows me yet again that I CAN NOT keep high calorie foods that I like in the house.
For example Peanuts, cookies, cakes, brownies ect. these kind of foods that are my "likey likey" foods scream and beg me to eat them all gone whenever they are near.

Someday, one day maybe this will change but today its just to much work to try to deny myself of something in my vicinity that I want to eat.

Exercise notes- mowed the front and back lawn on Saturday Morning... Did nothing today well except eat peanuts :) and research PhD programs in counseling psychology. LOVE IT!

Weekend Wrap Up Part 1

2009-06-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

This was Saturdays dinner-small apple, some chicken breast, 2 carrots, 1 tb of almond butter and a cucumber + an unpictured Fiber 1 bar and before you go Oh Wow Fat biatch was eating low calorie, good for her she might lose 3 lbs instead of 1 this week let me clue you in on what I ate for lunch..
Texas Road House - LOTS of peanuts, couple pieces of onion blossom, 1/2 a roll with butter, salad with ranch (Best.Ranch.Ever.) grilled chicken and plain sweet potato and then for dessert a small oreo frozen custard from Shakeys.

I can't find the nutritionals for Texas Road or Shakey's which generally means theres a shitload.

Breakfast Sunday (ya well not really because you see my 1 year old decided that really I made these spinach/onion egg cupcakes for him so I had to reheat me some more) - 300 calories

Peanut shells because I forgot to take the picture.... 2 cups in shell = 680 calories

3 cups of watermelon X 2 = 300 calories

Hungry Fat Girl

2009-06-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

Special K + blueberries + almond milk = 300 calories

very veggie soup + ab&j tortilla + 3 bites of Veggie Gratin + 5 wheat saltines = 500 calories

Grilled Veggies + sweet potato +chicken + black beans + lt. sour cream = 600 calories

Large Apple = 100 calories

Total Calories Eaten: 1500 calories

K, so I did not do the whole no white flour thing...its time for groceries and this was what needed to be eaten in my fridge. Tomorrow I am stocking up on fruits, veggies and chicken breasts.

and I also ended up NOT working out at all today :(

I slept bad and woke up with a headache so we skipped the heat and the park this morning and then I had planned on mowing the yard tonight and instead spent some quality time watching DVR'ed "So you think you can dance" with hubs and then played Wii tennis and old school Mario (with the cheats we can get to the last castle in like 15 minutes :))
It was great for my marriage but did nothing for my fat ass, well maybe in a round about way because if my marriage goes to shit and i end up divorced I will more than likely turn to Ben&Jerry as my number 1 therapists to get me through my pain.

PS. I am soo hungry and I know its a mind thing because I gave myself restrictions. I hate rules and restrictions! well anyway I am going to drink some sugar free lemonade and go read a trashy Daniel Steele novel in bed.

New Rules

2009-06-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ok fine whatever. Its time to get SERIOUS about this shit. Sure its a lifestyle change but at the same time if I keep up this snails pace of weight loss I will finally be skinny when its time for me to DIE.

New game plan. New Rules. and I am warning everyone right here and now I am about to get psychotic for half a second.

Monday through Friday

Breakfast - 300 calories
Cereal + skim or almond milk + fruit
or
Egg whites + Veggies + Fruit

Lunch - 400 calories
Healthy Sandwich + veggies + fruit
or
Veggies + Fruit + Hummus
or
Low calorie Soup + Sandwich + fruit
or
cottage cheese + veggies + fruit

Dinner - 500 calories
Chicken or beans + fruit + veggies

Snacks - 0-400 calories
fruit or veggies w/hummus

No more sugar or white flour. Goodbye chocolate during the week!
small amounts of olive oil and condiments are fine.

Calories = between 1200-1600

Weekends = whatever but no more than 2000 calories.

Exercise... like its going out of style.

Too many calories & poison control

2009-06-25T04:55:00.000-07:00

1 piece toast with butter and jam - 140
soup/ab&j/crackers - 600
chocolate cookies - 300
chips&dip - 200 calories
iced animal cookies - 140 calories
hamburger&vegetable gratin -900 ??? definitely not more and maybe less.

2280 calories for the day

BOOO because that is definitely is not 2000 or less

Cookies???Chips&dip???

Eating healthy??

Exercise calories burned - 45 minutes walking pushing a stroller - 400 calories burned and it was BURNING. We got to the park by 8:30 and it was already over 90 degrees and there was lots of humidity BLAH!

On a slightly embarrassing kid note...had to call poison control for the first time last night. Jackson decided to sneak to his room to eat some diaper rash cream. Yeah thats gross. FYI they have to eat an entire tube to need medical attention. Lucky for me the tube was about empty!

PS the pictures are on my computer but Picasa is not uploading for me AGAIN, I am not sure what the deal is.

update/goals/rambling

2009-06-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have been doing this blog for 2 months now.
It was kind of rough at the beginning, but now I am better about getting into the groove of taking pictures and writing everyday. For the last 2 weeks I have been working out every day and its been between 90-100 degrees. I am giving myself bonus points for that.

My goals

stay at or below 2000 calories a day- more often than not I am hitting that goal.
be athletic and move for at least 30 minutes every.single.day.

That's it. I want to do this for the rest of my life. So this will be my new life. My new normal.

What I continue to struggle with

the reality of how much time and work its going to take- I get up everyday expecting that I will be a size 4 or at least 14 because I ate good and exercised the day before. then i get frustrated when not only am i not a size 4 or 14 but also I have not lost one pound since the day before.
sweets, the days I do go over my calorie allotment that is why. I crave sugary bad stuff a lot. maybe one day I will not want chocolate cake and will want an apple instead but right now if I try to eat an apple and I want chocolate cake I get PISSED.
telling family about the blog- it still makes me uncomfortable
posting my before pictures- I did take them, this week though.
the mental stuff

South Carolina Governor admits to affair

2009-06-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

Ok So I am hoping I am not the only one who saw this coming... I mean really, with the story that came out it could go one of two ways..he went off the deep end or he had an affair.
For those who havent heard: No one knew where this guy went...even his wife... then it was he was hiking then it was he wanted to go somewhere exotic so he went to Argentina now he's admitting that he has been having an affair AND that his wife and family have known about it for 4 months. Booo! Bad form. It was fathers day and he spent it with his lover in another county. Gee thats the kind of man I would want to run my state. NOT
Maybe if they are really lucky and have a couple more handfuls of kids they can be famous like Jon & Kate and make some money with their own reality show.
They could call it " I am the Govenor of South Carolina so its ok that I cheated on my wife and that she stays with and covers for me because she likes the money"

Issues

2009-06-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

Not my issues, more computer or picasa or blogger or internet problems...not really sure what the deal was last night but my pictures would not upload.

I had a AB&J sandwich for breakfast- 300 calories
and these crack cookies for lunch... 3 servings = 21 cookies = 420 calories = lunch :)

By dinner time I was starving but of course so I munched some watermelon while cooking - 100 calories.
Sauteed yellow squash, zucchini, peppers & onions 300 calories (sauteed with some olive oil and I went back for seconds!)
2 taco shells - 140 calories
2 ounces ground beef- 150 calories
1/2 cup of black beans- 115 calories
1/4 cup light cheese- 80 calories
2 tb light sour cream - 40 calories
1 roma tomato- 20 calories

I really really wanted dessert but I skipped it and was PROUD.
Then later I went for a little run- 15 minutes but it made my stomach hurt prolly because I ate such a HUGE dinner! I also walked at the park for 30 minutes in the morning.

Total Calories Eaten: 1665 calories

Total Calories Burned: 700 calories

Its official, I PASSED!

2009-06-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Breakfast was an on the run strawberry cereal bar- 140 calories and 1/2 ounce toffee candy- 100 calories plus LOTS and LOTS of water during and after my 1 hour walk in some hot humid weather.

Lunch
watermelon - 150 calories
chicken breast + spinach + German Potato salad 300 calories
The sonic cup in the background is a large water with lemon!

Snack
1/4 homemade flax waffle with AB&J - 200 calories

Dinner
Last of the chicken and potatoes plus LOTS of spinach and some Parmesan - 450 calories

Dessert
oreo thin crisps + chocolate icing = 300 calories

Todays Total = 1640 calories

1 hour walk pushing a stroller = 545 calories burned

PS. Today I got the letter that says I have officially passed all the hoops and I am a licensed associate counselor...well that is as soon as I send them a check for $140! LOL

the day before today

2009-06-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

My internet was on the fritz last night and I needed sleep more than I felt like messing with it.

We slept in til 9 then went to the park so at 11 I figured I could officially skip breakfast and just eat lunch.
5 ounce burger with tomato, ketchup and mustard on a sesame seed bun - 500 calories
tomato & cucumbers with 1 tb light catalina - 60 calories

I had this X 2 (french bread & almond butter) and also half a Odwalla bar and a serving of honey roasted peanuts - 700 calories, this was spread out over the afternoon/early evening

After all that snack is no wonder we ate a very late dinner - at 8 pm.
chicken and pesto panini- 550 calories
german potato salad with spinach- 150 calories
watermelon- 100 calories

Total for the day: 2060 calories

Exercise- mowed the back lawn- 30 minutes = 300 calories burned

Lake Day

2009-06-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

I ate total crap today.

It was a blast.

We were invited to the lake by Kirts family on Friday night and since we had no weekend plans, we decided to go for it. Of course then the kid did not go to bed til 10:30 PM and woke up at 5:45 AM soo umm we were late getting started. We all got up for the 2nd time at 9 and rushed around packing up the oodles of crap a one year old needs for a day trip to the lake. Then we hit up the local Target for some more crap (sunglasses for me and Jackson, sunscreen, floatie, diapers, snacks...yeah I like to be prepared).

Kid was starving at 11 when we left the house so we stopped at McDonald's... Dude I got to get better at planning/packing this shit before we leave the house. I had a double hamburger - 250 calories.

Then we headed down to Lake Degray about 45 minutes away. THE KID SCREAMED after his burger until I sung the itsy bitsy spider on repeat, seriously every time I would stop he would cry.

Cracked out.

But we had a great time. It was hot but the breeze off the lake was great, the water was perfect and Jackson did not cry once. (did not nap either but whatever)

Oh ya and there was LOTS of snacks.

Over the course of the day I ate:

half a pb&j 200 calories
2 servings of cashews 330 calories
5 oreos 270 calories
serving of cheetos 160 calories
1 iced thin oatmeal cookie- 50 calories
about 2 gallons of ice water

and then just because I did not get enough junk I demanded Taco Bueno for dinner. I could not make up my mind about what to eat so I order everything.

1/2 a chicken taco salad 400 calories
beans- 300 calories (damn thats why those tasted that good)
crispy beef taco - 200 calories

Total Calories- 2160 calories

Actually not to bad, considering.

Poo

2009-06-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

Today is poo.

It should not be. I should be happy, joyful even. Yet I am depressed and the world is poo.

Here are the reasons why today "should" be a good day.

kid slept until almost 9
rocked a book sale at the library
went to an awesome water playgroup
kid napped for 2.5 hours

Here are the reasons I feel like poo

ate cherry dump cake - 250 calories for breakfast and pretended it did not exist since i did not take a picture of it
realized that my guest bathroom was VERY MESSY and I had guests over last night and had no clue...mortification 101
cleaned my grill from infernal chicken last night
Kid refused to eat much of anything today except for milk and corn pops even though he had a healthy lunch packed for him to share with mommy
Kid woke up screaming 15 minutes after starting his nap and I went to console him and decided not to get him out even though I think he might have been hungry because I really wanted him to take a nap and if I took him out of his bed he would not and he had ample food shoved at him all day and he only wanted the milk and corn pops. He pouted and went back to sleep for the above mention long ass nap.
instead of cleaning my house I laid down and slept for 1.5 hours even though I had plenty of sleep last night
I woke up and felt hugely guilty and lazy and so ate half a piece of cake and ice cream- 350 calories and polished it off with a big handful of salsa sun chips - 140 calories.

Today's consumption also included 3 cups of watermelon- 150 calories, 1 chicken breast- 150 calories and 1 cup of German potato salad- 180 calories.

1220 calories so far.

Dinner has yet to be consumed.

Update: Ate a good for me dinner of chicken breast with 2 tb pesto and 1 cup leftover german potato salad. Then had 1/2 cup of ice cream and blueberries and stayed under 2000 calories so all was not lost for the day.

Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut, McDonalds, Mcdonalds, Kentucky fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut

2009-06-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

This was dinner... and there was another egg, and some bites of fruit in between. I am not going to even try to hazard to guess how many calories there are in 3 pieces of pizza, 3 deviled eggs and a rather LARGE bowl of cherry dump cake and ice cream. Lets just stick with A BUNCH.

After the almost burning down of my house I kinda gave up on any pretense of a healthy dinner and just enjoyed the moment & conversation with friends.

Life is good.

No one is calling me Martha anytime soon

2009-06-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

Warning: Do not try this at home.

I had a great plan. Make a healthy dinner for friends and play cards. What was that about the best laid plans?? Well anyways.

On the menu:

Pennsylvania Chicken
German Potato Salad
Fruit

and then the guests were providing dessert and deviled eggs.

Here's what happened that led me to believe that God just did not believe that Pennsylvania Chicken should be on the menu.

First I went to make the marinade on Wednesday and had no oil, even though I had been to the store twice. Then Megan brought oil but the chicken smelled foul. Not in a bird way but in a bad way. So I went to the store and got more chicken and went to make the marinade, it calls for 1 tb of poultry seasoning and I had less than that. I gave up hoping for the best chicken and just prayed it would be eatable. Poured the marinade on and put the chicken in the fridge.

Fast forward to Thursday evening when I went out to start the grill.

No propane.

You got to be kidding me, I mean REALLY.

Kirt went to Home Depot, usually this trip would take 15 minutes because the exchange thing is outside and you just swipe a credit card, grab and go. Nope not so much. It took 45 minutes because of some issue with the system.

He gets home, the grill get heated up. I throw the chicken on. Leave for a couple minutes come and come back to MASSIVE FLAMES! Run around like a chicken with my legs on fire to get kirt the baking soda, Kirt got the fire out but burned his fingers. THank God that the propane did not explode. IT WAS A BIG FIRE.

I really felt like an idiot. Should not have went back inside. C'est la vie. At least my friends were supportive and no one teased me for tearing up a little either.

We ordered Pizza Hut and life went on.

Next time I think I will make food that is already done before people arrive or just order pizza to start.

I know one things for sure, I got the message Pennsylvania Chicken should only be eaten in Pennsylvania.

Shots & McDonald's

2009-06-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

McDonald's biscuit with sausage and half a syrup = 510 calories

The kid showing off his double shot bandaids! He was eating pancakes and sausage from McDonald's and loving it! We were told by the dr yet again that he needed more fat and calories in his diet.. I am like DUDE he eats a lot and all the time and he eats what we eat so without adding sugar to his milk and butter to his fruit it is not physically possible to get him to eat more calories and not displace his healthy eating habits i.e. his love of fruits and veggies. I think the docs are just gonna have to live with the fact that my kid is happy and healthy in the 5th percentile.

Chicken, olive oil mayo on wheat bread - 250 calories, cantaloupe 100 calories

Holy carbs on my ass

2009-06-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I split a ab&j with Jackson. FYI he threw most of his to the imaginary animals on the walking trail. I ate all 230 calories of mine.

Lunch meant leftovers. I really was not as excited about this the second time around, prolly why I drowned it in ketchup. I am SUCH A CONDIMENT GIRL. = 700 calories

This was instead of Subway... it rocked! Homemade pesto made with basil from my garden, tomato, mozzarella and chicken pannini with an apple = 700ish calories, i compared this to several fast food panninis. Mine had 2 tb of pesto, an ounce of chicken cubes and 1/4 cup mozzarella.

My first "pictured" piece of cake! this is half a slice of oreo cake from Kroger with 1/2 cup edys ice cream = 350 calories and SO WORTH IT!

I felt like I was in over eaters anonymous when i chatted with a friend about my extreme need/want/craving to go get the other half of my piece. I abstained, thanks MEGAN. This led to a discussion about having a little treat everyday versus a big treat every couple of days.

I am so in the big treat club. I do not do well with delayed satisfaction, it is something I work on and dare say have occasionally prayed about. I think it just is what it is.

I work out for 2 days in a row and expect to wake up looking like Nicole Ritchie...pre-baby, you know when she made anorexics look fat.

Back to the total for the day = 1980 calories but way too many carbs and not enough fruits or veggies.

Tomorrow night we are entertaining friends. I am making grilled Pennsylvania Chicken, german potato salad and watermelon. Guests are bringing dessert and deviled eggs. AND WE ARE PLAYING CARDS... I miss games, pre-baby we were like the super game people now, I can't remember the last time we played games with a group.

So EXCITED!

One day I will do this

2009-06-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

Its a yoga pose called an upside down cake. That's Polly from Yoga is Yummy. She is a little too sweet for my bad girl tastes (i prefer my blogs to be filled with swearing and skantchy comments and hers is more almond butter and bible verses) but she ROCKS some yoga!

I did get my perhaps favorite all time bible quote from her though.

God sticks his head out of heaven. He looks around. He’s looking for someone not stupid… Psalm 14:2

Who knew the bible had humor??

Busy morning

2009-06-17T12:55:00.001-07:00

I was on a mission this morning to get me and the kid to the park at the butt crack of dawn to avoid the heat.

We did not make it before the heat.

My child who has been getting up between 6:30-7 did not wake up til 8. But since I got up at 6:30, I got the house picked up, laundry done and some letters written to family. And then just to show off I got the kid and my breakfast packed. When the sleepy head finally decided to wake up I threw an out fit on him and hit the road.

At the park I walked for an hour then let the Kid play and swing for a half hour.

Snarky comment alert

While we were at the park I noticed this lady had a spray bottle and was misting down the equipment to cool it before her kids played on it and thought wow good idea and kudos to you for being all on top of your shit. Well then the "organized and put together lady" came up and asked me if she could have a diaper because she forgot one for her one year old.

REALLY??? a diaper was forgotten but you remembered the mister full of water??

I gave her one then about that time 8 bus loads of kids from various daycares and churches started showing up so we dipped out to the post office to mail our letters and then to Kroger for more fruit, blueberries are on sale for $1.50 a carton this week!

Telling people how much I weigh

2009-06-16T19:22:00.001-07:00

Telling people how much I weigh in person face to face would bother me. I did it on here because well duh its a weightloss blog and peeps need to know the starting point. But should it really bother me?? I mean its not like people walk up to me and think "I bet she weighs 150 lbs" nah you can see my fat even if I have clothes on or I "carry it well". So why not tell everyone the number?

By telling it I have to FACE IT. I am really good about not being bothered by my fatness. When you have been forever big, it just becomes who you are.

I honestly like who I am. But being fat inhibits my life. I can not do things and I have to think about things and worry over "fat things" constantly.

Things like

fiting in small places

outdoor plastic furniture breaking

fat haters making comments

people not liking me soly based on my outside appearances

going to the dr and finding out that i have diabetes, high blood pressure ect. (hasn't happend yet but I am constantly worried about it)

future things like that my son will be teased in school because he has a fat mom

that I will end up like one of those people who can not get out of bed and has to have the wall of their house chopped down to get them out

ok fo real I could go on and on but its making me slightly depressed to write this so I think I will skip out now and leave therapizing for another day.

Old School Mac & Cheese Casserole

2009-06-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Old School Mac & Cheese with broccoli and some ketchup- 600 calories plus some more bites 200 testing and being STARVING waiting for hubs to get home.

beans and tomato- didn't eat these because I decided after one bite that they would be mo better with some hamburger meat and served like sloppy joes.

I made a bechmel sauce with 3 tb butter + 1 tb bacon fat + 4 tb flour, mixed/cooked for about a minute then I whisked in 3 cups of milk and cooked till thickend. Tempered an egg and added that as well.

To this add 1.5 bags sharp 2%, 1 tb spicy mustard, 1 tsp seasoning salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 1/2 tsp dry mustard

cook one box of ziti noodles slightly under done because that was what we had (free after coupons too! ;))

Sprayed 9x13 pan with pam, added noodles, sauce and a bag of frozen broccoli and stirred and then because I was feeling the old school casserole look I crushed up some corn flakes and put those on top and drizzled 1 tb of melted butter over top. Baked at 350 for about 40 minutes.

Yummy although next time I will make the cream sauce and then just make a crust with the cheese (and less of it) instead cornflakes also it would be mo better with squash and onions.

Hubs and kid approved.

Total daily calories: 1580

Paperwork + Walking

2009-06-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

strawberries + special k + almond milk = 260 calories

+ paperwork = zero calories....but lots of headaches. I was updating the bylaws for my counseling organization. FUN ummm or not. But now its done.

I cant figure out why sometimes it lets me write not centered under a centered picture and sometimes it wont. Regardless lunch was ab + blackberry jam on whole wheat bread = 220 with some more of the famous potato salad, about 3/4 a cup = 3oo calories

Exercise so far was a 20 minute walk with the kid first thing this morning and then while we were out a friend called and invited us to the park. We walked for about 40 minutes - around the hilly walking trail and then let the kiddos play for a while.

1 hour of walking pushing a stroller at my weight = 550 calories burned

Plain Jane

2009-06-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

You would think after my huge snack I wouldn't be hungry for lunch, alas no such luck.

Tuna salad with 1/2 an apple, light cheese, green peppers and sugar free relish- 175 + plain jane green beans - 25

Salsa dinner salad: 220 calories

chicken - spinach - tomato - cucumber - green pepper- light cheddar- salsa

Almond butter + raspberry jam toast - 200

Banana shake 120 calories per serving

for 2
1 1/2 large frozen banana
cup of almond milk
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp maple extract
1 pk sweet -n- low

blend on high

Total for the day: 1520 calories

opps, after i ate the potato salad I thought I had blown my calories. I don't always add til the end of the day, its my inner procrastinator.

PS. I did not run tonight instead I mowed the front lawn for 30 minutes and then did stretching and leg work while watching Jon & Kate plus 8. FYI that show has gotten WEIRD!

Ode to almond butter

2009-06-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

corn muffin + 1 tb almond butter = 250 calories

Verdict is in on almond butter---LOVE IT!

This stuff truly rocks. Its made with just raw almonds, no salt nothing. Its sweet and yummy and slightly gritty. I have never liked natural pb prolly because I am so used to jiff so finding something to put on my sammiches without salt, sugar or added oil was very exciting.

Kinda ruined the whole healthy snack thing an hour later, when I inhaled 1/2 cup of Whole Hog's potato salad that a friend brought to me... this is the only potato salad that I have ever liked! 200 calories :(

Groceries this week

2009-06-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

Some none groceries first. These are biodegradable disposable bibs! I am so excited, I hate being out all day and having to come home and empty a diaper bag of sticky stinky food bibs :( these were only $5 for 20 at Kroger and NO plastic! plus a baking pan that was on sale and I had a coupon and I have wanted a round cake pan forever! $2.50

Lots and lots and lots...really to much stuff this week!

$88 worth

3 loaves of wheat bread

1 rotisserie chicken

4 bags 2% cheese

2 apples

large container organic spinach

5 cans of organic beans

2 cans of organic green beans

flour

almond breeze

organic milk

4 tomatoes

bag of carrots

blueberries

strawberries

organic cereal

large bag of walnuts

ginger

2 garlic bulbs

jar of garlic

green pepper

organic bananas

sour cream

18 eggs

2 bbq sauces

fried rice packet

bacon

bag of chicken legs

$10 jar of almond butter!!!

and i think thats it!

Morning

2009-06-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

2 servings cinnamon pecan Special K- 220, 1/2 cup of blueberries- 40 and 1/2 a banana- 50, 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond breeze- 20. Total Calories: 330 calories

We bought the blueberries yesterday and they are almost gone already :( I think I may have to start going to the store more often and buy less, I don't know. I seem to eat way healthier the closer to a shopping trip I am because of the abundance of healthy choices???

Today's to do list
1. Story time at the library with the kid
2. clean house
3. organize paperwork
4. call about a supervisor
5. mail thank you cards from the kids b-day and package to my mom
6. workout

There are about 10 more things that I want to put on this list but I am resisting. I tend to try to do to much at once and get parts of lots of stuff done. But the stuff that I get done isn't always important so I am working on my prioritizing skills. So each night I write a big long to do list and in the morning I ask myself "what is the most important thing to get done today?" and that is what I pay attention to first.

Peking Chicken

2009-06-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

For dinner I pulled 4 ounces of chicken breast off a rotisserie chicken- 135 calories, added 2 tb of hoison sauce- 50 calories and some green onions and had Peking Chicken!

With that I had a sweet corn muffin- 170 calories and another strawberry/blueberry salad- 200 calories

Total for the day- 1655 calories

Now its 9 pm and I am going for my "run". I should just leave the parenthesis off... but I feel like a fraud writing just run, because I walk more than half the time. I guess I could call it my walk but then it sounds all puny, my grandma takes a walk.